Everything you want to ask about Chicago sports, but are afraid to know upon returning from summer vacation:
Question: How will the Bears do this season?
Answer: Anybody who thinks they can catch the Packers in the NFC Central is crazy.
Q: Why should we give up so soon, with 16 games to go?
A: Because the Bears, adhering to local tradition, don’t seem to have a plan. They signed Rick Mirer for $11 million to be their quarterback of the future, yet might decide that Erik Kramer affords them the better chance to win right away.
Q: So what’s the problem?
A: The Bears have to figure out whether they’re building for the future or toward their Sept. 1 opener at Green Bay. If they imagine that Mirer will lead them to a Super Bowl in, say, 1999, they really should allow for the possibility that he’ll start off 0-1 in 1997. Or 2-4. Point is, he should start. If Kramer’s better, why acquire Mirer?
Q: But you can never have enough pitching, right? Which reminds us, what about the White Sox? Instead of being three games back, if they’re somehow three games ahead of Cleveland on Labor Day, will they try to get some pitching help for the home stretch?
A: Funny, but we just posed that to Jerry Reinsdorf on Monday, and he said, “Anything’s possible . . . if we’re in first place by three games by then, maybe we won’t need any help.”
Q: But isn’t he the same chairman who gave up on the Sox?
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A: We asked about that, too. Reinsdorf said he was speaking as a fan. His heart told him yes, the Sox can win the division. His head told him no. Then again, the Sox do have seven games left with the Indians, and Reinsdorf said, “If my general manager, Ron Schueler, recommends something, I have to listen.”
Q: By pitching so well lately, is Doug Drabek auditioning for the San Francisco Giants?
A: He probably can’t crack that staff. Terry Mulholland might have taken the last spot.
Q: Terry Mulholland, formerly of the Cubs? Ever since they began the season 0-14, they’ve been holding him out there as potential trade bait. How many players did they get for him?
A: None. The Cubs should have made a deal for Mulholland before it was too late, but they thought they could still make a run at first place in the NL Central, or so they said. Now, anybody who thinks the Cubs can catch Cincinnati for fourth place is crazy to waste time thinking about it.
Q: Why do the Cubs and Sox, who never have enough pitching, always get rid of the most important commodity, pitching?
A: Because pitchers just aren’t dependable, at least when they pitch in Chicago. That’s why the Cubs didn’t dare sign Greg Maddux to a five-year contract. They haven’t had a No. 1 guy since, but they just knew he’d break down. Better to shop around for the real thing, like Jaime Navarro.
Q: Do all organizations operate this way?
A: Not the organized ones. The Atlanta Braves hoard pitchers. They have invested $122 million in Maddux, Tom Glavine and John Smoltz for the next five years. Plus the Braves went out and got Denny Neagle, who’s 16-2. But the Braves are boring. They go the World Series every year.
Q: What about the Blackhawks? Are they still in town?
A: Some of them. The Hawks seem to be into a youth movement. You might not recognize all the names come October. You might not recognize all the enthusiasm, either. Or if you’re like a lot of disenchanted Chicago hockey fans, you won’t need a program if you don’t buy tickets.
Q: Thank God for the Bulls.
A: Not so fast. He hasn’t signed yet.