Some things you suspect, some things you guess at and some things you just know.
If the White Sox have any sense of either the absurd or humor, they will give away free to the next home crowd “I’m Crazy” T-shirts.
Northwestern agreed to play Oklahoma in the Pigskin Classic only if the game was at Soldier Field, obviously trying to get the home-field indifference.
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Albert Belle plays left field like a beekeeper.
When Rick Mirer’s confidence depends on short passes being broken for 50-yard TDs, the Bears can just go ahead and buy a couple more couches.
Justin Gimelstob is the Tiger Woods of tennis.
Hideki Irabu is the most overhyped and underperforming Japanese import since the rotary engine.
Anyone considering hiring a two-time Super Bowl-winning coach ought to look at George Seifert before Don Shula.
The rest of baseball is not just laughing at Jerry Reinsdorf, it is rolling around in the dirt holding its gut.
Before they destroyed the Omni, someone had to check to see if Christian Laettner was still at the other end of the floor whining about a bad call.
Cynthia Cooper is the Tiger Woods of women’s basketball.
In the pennant race, the White Sox come pre-choked.
At its most effective, the Bears’ pass rush is barely a passing glance.
If the Cubs finish no worse than they have started, Jim Riggleman will still have the worst record of any full three-year Cubs manager since Bob Scheffing in the 1950s. And with a few additional losses, he could go down as the worst manager in the history of the Cubs.
When first base coaches organize and demand lounge chairs on the field, Curtis Conway will be their spokesman.
Realignment will do for baseball what confederation did for Yugoslavia.
Until Michael Jordan says yes, the sixth championship is a no-no.
Trying to decide if Jerry Reinsdorf is the best owner ever in Chicago sports is like looking for the catch-of-the-day in the bait bucket.
Sports has overachievers and underachievers and non-achievers and the Cubs.
When the Sox dedicated this season to Nellie Fox, it could not have been meant as an insult to the memory of Nellie Fox.
Those chocolate “Evander Holey Ears” must be selling like dipped locusts.
Jeff Gordon is the Tiger Woods of auto racing.
Lennox Lewis vs. Andrew Golota: Joe Blow meets Low Blow.
The world becomes a scarier place when both Dallas Cowboys coach Barry Switzer and NBA uberpunk Allen Iverson are caught packing heat.
In Switzer’s case, he at least had a built-in alibi. “Look who I’m coaching,” would stand up in any court in the land.
Atlanta celebrating the anniversary of their Olympic Games is like Lakehurst celebrating the Hindenburg.
Nebraska-Florida in the Orange Bowl for No. 1, but go ahead and play the college season anyhow.
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John Daly used to be the Tiger Woods of golf.
I see by the old clock on the wall, the usual four-year plan of Cubs management is almost out of sand.
I can’t wait to learn who is the Tiger Woods of fly fishing.
Ron Turner has taken Rashaan Salaam’s plays to Illinois for Robert Holcombe, not including the crossover dribble.
I want anyone who can remember a single one of Albert Belle’s runs batted in to be my partner in Trivial Pursuit, the Jerk Edition.
Amazingly, no one turned out to be the Tiger Woods of the Tour de France, but the French could not find their socks in a bowl of muselix.
A sign on the Sox clubhouse door leading to the dugout says “Expect to Win,” and hand-lettered are the further instructions, “Touch this.”
Wrong verb.