If you are among the 250 million Americans who have not paid attention to the expensive spitball fights that are the Senate’s campaign finance hearings, here is the key:
Inflatable novelty items.
A monthlong proceeding recessed last week but not before evidence that the Democrats and Republicans are, at minimum, linked by synthetic materials suitable for 2-year-olds.
First, there was a Massachusetts executive who got caught red-handed making more than $120,000 in illegal contributions to Republican Bob Dole’s campaign last year. He makes inflatable swimming-pool rafts.
Second, there’s Yah Lin “Charlie” Trie, a seemingly fascinating rogue and grasping entrepreneur who ran Bill Clinton’s favorite Chinese restaurant in Little Rock (though one witness testified that Hillary Rodham Clinton claimed not to readily recognize the name, therefore suggesting she has smartly repressed memory of Bill’s slime-ball chums from Arkansas).
Trie, who now is lodging in Beijing and avoiding interrogation, not only plopped $460,000 in mostly illegal contributions from Buddhist sect members onto a table at Clinton’s legal defense fund. He also tried to hawk the fund’s director inflatable United Airlines Whoopee cushions.
Isn’t free enterprise grand?
Fortunately, the public sessions of the Senate Governmental Affairs Committee are the best free entertainment in town. It’s too bad that most TV stations, which exploit public licenses to turn profit margins that rival John Gotti’s in his heyday, aren’t interested.
It’s thus necessary to offer an official Tribune Campaign Finance Hearing Primer. Clip this now. You’ll be in good stead if asked to appear on C-SPAN at 7 a.m.
– Evidence so far proves the campaign-finance system stinks and most elected officials here, who proclaim unease but milk it big time, are utter hypocrites.
– The system was fraying in 1992 and 1994, then disintegrated last year. Something called “soft money,” limitless contributions not allowed for particular campaigns but often used for just that purpose via TV ads, became the parties’ lifeblood and should be ditched.
– Federal election rules are a sham. It’s barely tougher to knock off a 7-Eleven. Just ask members of the Ching Hai Buddhist sect who got suckered into signing $1,000 money orders for the Presidential Legal Expense Trust. Or the Virginia cook who explained in Mandarin Chinese (she doesn’t speak English) how she “gave” dough to the Democrats.
– There’s been no proof (or disproof) of Chinese government money in the 1996 campaigns, despite the much-touted opening statement of Chairman Fred Thompson (R-Tenn.). But there are hustlers with such ties who sought influence, notably the hyperactive Trie (who surely must have been on Benzedrine) and aggressively passive fundraiser John Huang (Quaaludes for him, perhaps). Don’t yet discount the Thompson thesis.
– Clinton should knock on wood. Due to the GOP’s maladroit orchestration, he has escaped scrutiny so far. Unacknowledged is how the Democrats’ money obsession stemmed from Clinton’s approving a $50 million early TV ad campaign in 1995 and how he clearly violated election rules in micromanaging the campaign.
– There’s no evidence of the White House’s knowing that illegal foreign money was on the way. But documents suggest that every time they got such news, the inclination was to hide it and just get past Election Day.
– The Partial Amnesia Defense, prominent during Watergate, has reared its hollow head. The best exemplar is Haley Barbour, smooth-gabbing Southerner who ran the Republican National Committee. He battled the truth in denying he knew that a $2.1 million loan made its way from downtown Hong Kong.
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– The only people apparently left at the White House are three janitors and two Marine guards. The rest are outside the hearing room, “spinning” reporters by declaring inconsequential or moth-eaten every smidgen of evidence. They also lighten the load (at your expense) on overtaxed newspaper libraries with unsolicited photocopies, mostly of reporters’ past stories.
– Don’t invite Thompson and the top Democrat, American hero John Glenn of Ohio, on a canoe trip. They don’t get along. But do invite John’s sublime wife, Annie, (you remember her character in “The Right Stuff”) and ask about the couple’s friendship with baseball legend Ted Williams, John’s wingmate in the Korean War.
– The Tribune obviously excepted, the sharpest mainstream daily reporting is in the Los Angeles Times. The best broadcast network TV coverage, as it is, is found on CBS with Bob Schieffer.
– It may get interesting in the fall with possible appearances by former Clinton consigliere Harold Ickes, the commander in chief’s smarmy, hooker-challenged consultant Dick Morris and other hustlers. And remember the name Mark Middleton.
As for the senators themselves, the collective performance barely surpasses the Chicago City Council. Among the throng:
Thompson. Stumbled early but getting better and may yet fashion a consensus. His most impressive moment was looking fellow-Republican Barbour in the eyes and declaring his portrayal of the $2.1 million loan to a GOP “think tank” was a stretch.
Glenn. Looks depressed. An amateur shrink would say that he feels frustrated by the partisanship (which he engages in freely) as he seeks absolution from the messy legacy of the Keating Five savings-and-loan scandal. Ease up, John. You’re a hero with a great wife.
Susan Collins (R-Maine). Clearly positioned to be a freshman star on the panel, she has underachieved. She is an uninspired questioner who could use a voice transplant. She sounds like a screechy schoolmarm.
Max Cleland (D-Ga.). Grievously injured in Vietnam, the freshman had a droll moment on opening day. Southern politicians’ take on tainted money? ” ‘Taint mine and ‘taint enough.” Otherwise, he has been woefully unprepared.
Bob Smith (R-N.H.). Hello, earth to Bob, anybody home? What were the New Hampshire voters thinking in re-electing him? Adroit at asking questions answered hours earlier.
Robert Torricelli (D-N.J.). Bianca Jagger’s onetime boyfriend can come off as a too-slick-by-half know-it-all, especially after claiming he watched famous anti-crime hearings that took place before he was born. But he has been tough and impressive since, especially challenging Barbour over financial matters.
Arlen Specter (R-Pa.). A generally unpleasant fellow, he has been the best GOP questioner along with Thompson.
Dick Durbin (D-Ill.). He has been excellent, exhibiting Midwest sobriety, though too focused on Thompson’s China allegations.
Robert Bennett (R-Utah). Has gotten away with rhetorical murder with bigoted conclusions about “Asian culture” and influence.
Joseph Lieberman (D-Conn.). He has been the most thoughtful and apolitical Democrat, strong on Huang’s suspicious activities.
Pete Domenici (R-N.M.). Cantankerous architect of the big budget deal, he surfaces rarely, shoots off his mouth (once in a personal tirade against Glenn), then splits.
Oh, a final financial matter:
– The Democratic National Committee has returned $2.8 million in suspicious or clearly illegal contributions, or less than half of 1 percent of what it took in last year. The Republican National Committee’s failings amount to $120,000 from Hong Kong and the dubious $2.1 million loan to its “think tank.”
– Thompson’s budget is $4.35 million of your tax dollars, while the budget for a redundant House investigation is $3.9 million. The House also may tap into, even exhaust, a related $7.9 million slush fund for investigations.
And that doesn’t count the regular budgets and cadres of federal agents assigned to the panels.
Hold onto your voter registration cards. The fun resumes after Labor Day.