Everything is the same except . . . (cue dramatic musical overture with echo effect) JERRY REINSDORF WAS THERE.
September 1492–Italian-born explorer Jerry Reinsdorf, frustrated by the failure to sight land, orders the Pinta, the Nina and the Santa Maria back to Spain.
July 1861–Union President Jerry Reinsdorf offers unconditional surrender to Confederate forces after the first Battle of Bull Run.
May 1928–Scottish bacteriologist Sir Jerry Reinsdorf discovers that a Penicillium mold from a piece of bread has accidentally contaminated a staphylococcus culture and halted the bacteria’s growth. Reinsdorf throws out bread and buys new loaf.
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November 1948–At the urging of campaign manager Jerry Reinsdorf, Harry Truman withdraws from presidential race and concedes victory to Republican nominee Thomas Dewey.
August 1951–Saying it would take “A shot heard ’round the world” to salvage the season, New York Giants General Manager Jerry Reinsdorf trades Bobby Thomson to Brooklyn Dodgers for two minor leaguers.
May 1953–Sir Jerry Reinsdorf reaches base camp at Mt. Everest and promptly announces, “You want me to climb that?”
April 1961–After Yuri Gagarin completes first ever human spaceflight, U.S. President Jerry Reinsdorf informs nation, “Anyone who thinks our space team will catch the Russians is crazy.”
April 1966–Exasperated by North Carolina’s inability to win the Atlantic Coast Conference championship, university president Jerry Reinsdorf fires coach Dean Smith. “I’m sure he’ll make a very fine high school civics teacher,” says Reinsdorf of Smith, “but he has absolutely no future in major college basketball.”
June 1966–Caddy Jerry Reinsdorf advises Billy Casper, seven strokes behind Arnold Palmer at the time, to play for second-place check in the final round of the U.S. Open at Olympic Country Club in San Francisco.
January 1968–New York Jets Head Coach Jerry Reinsdorf fines and suspends Joe Namath for Super Bowl III after the flamboyant quarterback “guarantees” a victory against the Baltimore Colts.
June 1972–Washington Post Managing Editor Jerry Reinsdorf decides Watergate break-in is a non-story and pulls reporters Bob Woodward and Carl Bernstein off investigation.
June 1975–Financier Jerry Reinsdorf tells fledgling computer geek Bill Gates that anybody who thinks a Windows-based operating system can catch IBM is “crazy.”
July 1978–New York Yankees owner Jerry Reinsdorf declares his team no match for Boston Red Sox, who lead AL East by 14 games. Says shortstop Bucky Dent is available for the right deal.
November 1978–Influential and disgruntled shareholder Jerry Reinsdorf lobbies for dismissal of new Chrysler chief Lee Iacocca and pushes for company sale to General Motors.
February 1980– U.S. Olympic hockey coach Jerry Reinsdorf predicts lower division finish for team. “Anyone who thinks this team will catch the Russians is crazy,” he says.
November 1982–California Head Coach Jerry Reinsdorf instructs team to down ball on final kickoff return against Stanford.
October 1988–Los Angeles Dodgers Manager Jerry Reinsdorf leaves veteran outfielder Kirk Gibson off postseason roster because of a nagging leg injury. “Whaddya expect me to do–use a one-legged guy as a pinch-hitter?” says Reinsdorf.
February 1990–As Buster Douglas sits in his corner waiting for the start of his fight against undefeated heavyweight champion Mike Tyson, his trainer, Jerry Reinsdorf, whispers, “Flop in the first round and let’s get out of here.”
December 1992–Trailing 35-3 in the first round of the AFC playoffs, Buffalo Bills Head Coach Jerry Reinsdorf pulls his starters against the Houston Oilers.
September 1995–Baltimore Orioles Manager Jerry Reinsdorf scratches Cal Ripken Jr. from the lineup one game shy of Lou Gehrig’s record of 2,130 consecutive games played. Says Ripken “looks like he could use a rest.”
August 1996–With a team gold medal at stake, U.S. Olympic gymnastics coach Jerry Reinsdorf instructs Kerri Strug not to attempt a second vault.
July 1997–Despite trailing the struggling Cleveland Indians by just 3 1/2 games with 57 games remaining on the schedule, White Sox chairman Jerry Reinsdorf approves a series of trades that effectively eliminates his team from the division race and forever ensures his place in Chicago sports history as the man who gave up. Anyone who thinks otherwise is crazy.