At a time of year when many students are agonizing over which college to attend, a tug of war often emerges over issues that high school counselors dub “the family factor.”
That is, do you make Mom and Dad happy by going to their alma mater, perhaps acquiring a certain ready-made status on campus? Certainly that would also brighten the hearts of fundraising officials, who know alumni tend to be more generous when progeny are at the school.
Similarly, many students ask, Do you cut the apron strings altogether and go far away, or stay close to home, perhaps with the incentives of free laundry service and the occasional home-cooked meal (and, on the down side, an invitation to Uncle Elmer’s retirement party)?
Michael Quinn grew up in Livonia, Mich., about 15 minutes from Ann Arbor, home to the University of Michigan.
His parents, he recalled, “told me if I went to Michigan, they would buy me a new car. They didn’t try to bribe me, but it was sort of an inducement.”
Still, Quinn decided to go to Northwestern–some five hours farther and $14,000 a year more–to pursue his interest in drama.
“I guess my mom was a little upset about the distance and my dad about the finances,” Quinn said. “But it’s not like they’re hostile or anything. . . . They realize this was the best place for me.”
In a more high-profile scenario, Chelsea Clinton’s recent decision to attend Stanford University in Palo Alto, Calif.–some 3,000 miles from home–had a subtext for many people beyond a passing interest in what college the president’s daughter had chosen.
Chelsea’s parents were pleased when she applied to Georgetown University, her father’s alma mater and a $5 cab ride from the White House. Yale–where her parents met and graduated from the law school–would have also brought a vigorous nod of approval.
As would anywhere else on the Eastern Seaboard.
Instead, Chelsea opted to go as far in the U.S. from Washington as possible, with the exception of the University of Hawaii.
“I think she wanted to be her own person,” President Clinton said with resigned good nature. “Planes run out there. E-mail works out there, so we’ll be all right.”
And with Air Force One at their disposal, the Clintons should have no trouble making Parents Weekend next October. But for some students, rejecting a parent’s alma mater is more than travel logistics. It can mean navigating some choppy emotional waters, as well.
“I was absolutely weaned on Michigan,” said one 19-year-old who chose to attend the University of Chicago.
“My parents are such rabid fans that in every baby picture I’m either wearing a Wolverine bib, T-shirts or diaper covers.
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“Everyone assumed I’d carry on the family tradition and when I chose the U. of C.–a place that doesn’t even have football–they were very disappointed. When my parents visit, my Dad says, `What do you guys do here on a Saturday afternoon, anyways?’ “
The “family factor” can provide either inspiration or pressure, said Charles Shields, a department coordinator at Homewood-Flossmoor High School and author of “The Parents Guide to College.”
He recalled a student who not only was bred to go to Illinois, but was expected to pledge his dad’s fraternity. And when he started checking with Shields on an almost-daily basis for reassurance that he would fulfill his birthright, the educator grew a little testy.
“I finally had to say, `Look, you’ve done everything . . . you have the grades, you have the scores, whatever happens from here on out is out of your hands.’ “
At the University of Notre Dame–where 25 percent of the freshman class are legacies–the admissions counselors read a lot of essays from high school seniors citing “tradition,” as their primary motivation.
“It’s an important part of who we are,” said Dennis Brown, a spokesman for the university, where fourth-generation Golden Domers are not uncommon.
“The Notre Dame family is a trite phrase, but at times, it’s quite literal.”
Sometimes, the decision can mean the difference of tens of thousands of dollars, particularly if Mom or Dad are employed at a school where free or reduced tuition is a job perk.
“My daughter had a 200-mile exclusion zone around Chicago,” said Tom Murphy, a chemistry professor at DePaul University whose daughter could have gotten a substantial financial break had she chosen her dad’s workplace. He added that she never once scouted a local campus for her freshman year. “She wanted to go far enough away to be away, but close enough that she could come in and take the car when she needed it.”
As it turned out, Murphy’s daughter, Julie, now 20, ended up at DePaul, on Chicago’s North Side, but only after a year at the University of Wisconsin at Madison.
It was big, and Julie figured she and a longtime friend could lose themselves in all the work and fun of the collegiate life. But it was too big.
“I had that year away, so I was able to establish myself,” she said, explaining why she now felt comfortable at DePaul.
“When I went to school it was different,” said Murphy, a Pittsburgh native and graduate of Notre Dame, where his father also attended.
“It was a seven-hour car ride home. . . . My father died when I was in 8th grade, and my mother wouldn’t have wanted me to go away. If I had wanted to go to Ohio State, it probably would have been tough.”
“But Notre Dame was different, because it was dad’s alma mater. That made it OK,” he said.
Not every kid wants to go as far away as possible. Sharon Grouper–who, like Chelsea, is an only child–declined Harvard, Columbia and Johns Hopkins, among others–to attend Northwestern.
Grouper, who immigrated to the United States from Israel as a freshman–taught himself to speak English and now ranks second in his class at Deerfield High School. Northwestern’s 7-year medical school program was the drawing card, but he concedes that proximity to parents was also a consideration, “along with the fact that I could save them a year of tuition.”
Sometimes, it’s not the student who rebuffs the institution, but the other way around. Stanford, for example, had 16,000 applicants, with two-thirds of the incoming freshmen scoring an impressive 700 or above on both the math and verbal portions of the SATs.
“Parents should know that it’s a much more rigorous academic environment today than it was 20 years ago,” Brown said. “Just because you are a child of an alumni, it’s not necessarily a slam-dunk.”
Had Tom Figel’s children attended Notre Dame, they would have been the fifth generation to do so. But despite such fierce loyalty, his two children marched to a decidedly different drummer.
Daughter Becky–interested in the arts–opted for Evergreen State University in Olympia, Wash. Son Peter–despite good grades at Evanston High School–had a passion for hockey that led him to St. Mary’s in Winona, Minn.
Figel was surprisingly sanguine. “It all turns out well,” he said. “You want them to have what you had–good friends, a good education and something that prepares them for life. They can have all that–but it may not be at the college you attended.”
That was probably the case for Chelsea, who, according to news reports, preferred Stanford’s more laid-back atmosphere to the elitism of Ivy League.
And if not the social climate, decisions have turned on more frivolous considerations–such as the number of days a student can wear shorts and sunscreen to class.
“Even the most die-hard Yale booster would have a hard time making a case for New Haven in December,” said one faculty member.
Homewood-Flossmoor’s Shields reminds parents that even in the best of circumstances, 50 percent of college students don’t make it to the finish line.
“School is tough enough without parents making it any tougher,” he said. “They’re the ones who have to get up at 8 a.m. and go to French class, not you. This is not the hill to die on.”
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