Q. I’m a 37-year-old, never-married, white male. I am educated, even-tempered and financially sound. I go out on first dates but don’t get much further. I am not aggressive in any way; in fact, I don’t even try to touch a date until she signifies physicality is in order.
In situations where a relationship is continued, it doesn’t go anywhere. What signals am I sending to turn normal, healthy women into recluses? It must be something about me. Any thoughts? Or is my fear of failure and rejection so palpable that it is readily acknowledged by my dates?
A. The only thing that I have to go on is your letter, which is certainly not enough upon which to judge a person, but it does seem to me from the way you write that you are perhaps not aggressive enough. I’m not saying that every woman is looking for Mr. Macho, but if you come across as being too meek, that may be a turn-off.
Next time you go on a date, plan it in advance. Don’t ask her where she wants to go; take her to a restaurant you like. Choose a restaurant where you know the menu so that you can make some positive suggestions. You select the wine. Afterwards take her someplace that you choose for an after-dinner drink and maybe some dancing.
It doesn’t necessarily take a lot to show that you’re a man who takes charge, but with a little planning you should be able to advance to past the first date with the next woman by being slightly more aggressive.