When Tony Randall became a first-time father last week at age 77, he got hearty congratulations.
But after a 63-year-old California woman lied about her age and had a baby by in vitro fertilization–perhaps becoming the oldest mother ever–she touched off a debate about how old women should be when they have children.
As medical technology pushes beyond the menopause barrier for childbearing and divorce expands the age at which people attempt to have children, it not only raises questions about society’s differing views of older mothers and fathers but also highlights issues for anyone who becomes a parent in middle age or beyond–a contemporary trend for which results are now coming in.
Is there a double standard at work? Absolutely, say many experts and older parents.
There was no hand wringing when Clint Eastwood, Hugh Hefner, Warren Beatty and Strom Thurmond sired progeny. But when women merge biology with gerontology, some people get very uncomfortable.
Cathy Semeniuk Carson knows firsthand. At 48, she and her 57-year-old husband had their first children together: twins in July.
“Most people have been wonderful and have had quite a few laughs, but occasionally I might hear something. But most people don’t say it to my face. But my husband? He’s a hero. . . . He’s virile. He’s the toast of the town.”
Jane Gleason, a 45-year-old Chicago mother, heard some disapproval of how she might be bringing a child into the world that might not have a mother during the turbulent teen years, but there was absolutely no buzz that her child wouldn’t have a father– despite the fact that her baby is a boy and that her husband is nearly 60.
“I would say to them, `Wait a minute, here. . . . If you’re going to call attention to my gray hair and wrinkles, you better call attention to his too.’ “
The different reactions might be traced to the fact that older dads have been around for centuries while older moms have mostly been around for less than two decades.
“Men have been becoming parents in their 50s, 60s and older for a long time,” said Dr. Richard Paulson, director of the University of Southern California fertility program that induced a pregnancy in the 63-year-old woman, thinking she was a decade younger.
“Egg donation has really leveled the playing field so that women as well as men now can reproduce in their 50s and later,” he said.
The idea that menopause should not be tampered with because “it’s not nice to fool Mother Nature” is scientifically obsolete, Paulson said.
“If we take the approach that we should not reverse the age-related decline of organ systems, then we’re stuck,” he said. “That’s what doctors do. We extend the useable lifetime.”
Those who oppose such treatment are not just addressing medical concerns. In 1994 when doctors in London refused to treat a 59-year-old British woman, they told her that they believed she was too old to face the demands of being a parent. At the time, the British secretary of health said, “The child’s welfare must be considered. A child has a right to a suitable home.” (The woman later was accepted by an in vitro program in Italy.) In the wake of the debate, France passed a ban on artificial insemination of postmenopausal women.
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Several Chicago physicians said they have treated infertile women into their late 40s, but very few patients choose to pursue parenthood into their 50s. Extending it into the 60s has not even come up. Even so, they don’t want to see any federal or state guidelines, said Randall Barnes, an ob/gyn endocrinologist at the University of Chicago. “These things are always best dealt with on a case-by-case basis.”
James Goldstone, an obstetrician with offices in the south suburbs, is even more emphatic about government intervention.
“The debate is ridiculous. I don’t think it’s anyone’s business to moralize. If we put age limitations on parenthood, what next? Are you going to establish income and intelligence guidelines as well?”
Older parents have heard all the arguments. They are quick to point that life is a series of tradeoffs: energy versus financial security, no grandparents versus a deeper reservoir of emotional experience.
As for bringing children into the world who might not have parents during adolescence, they say that in the 1990s–with people routinely living well into their 80s–this is a non-issue.
“My parents lived to 89 and 85, so I’m not too worried about being around,” said David Wilson, an administrator at Mt. Sinai Hospital who became a first-time dad last month at age 50.
“Financially, I will have to plan a little differently. I certainly know I won’t be retiring at age 62, but that’s about the only area where I see a difference. The truth is, I’m not sure you ever feel as if you’re ready or have enough money whether you’re 50 or 24.”
While most of his friends have grandchildren, Wilson pronounced the birth of his son, Peter Neal, “the best thing I’ve done with my life” Wilson and his 35-year-old wife are talking about a second child. “My dad was 40 when I was born, so, to me, it’s no big deal.”
While parents say that the question of tackle football in the back yard comes up all the night, they are surprised how few people mention the merits of being more mature.
“`While I’m not the perfect father, I can take more of a grandfatherly approach,” said 64-year-old David Stroud, who has children ranging in age from 4 to 42. “You’re just more settled.”
As for the medical side of late parenthood in women, menopause is marked by the decline in function of the ovaries, which produce estrogen and eggs.
Many women use estrogen-replacement therapy after menopause to dramatically reduce their risk of developing heart disease and osteoporosis, conditions that estrogen normally keeps in check.
There are two biological clocks at work in the female reproductive system. One governs the ovaries and their production of estrogen and eggs. When they stop working, they cannot be coaxed back into activity.
That is not true for the uterus. Instead of permanently ceasing function, the uterus becomes dormant. Providing a postmenopausal woman with estrogen and progesterone restores menstruation and prepares the uterus for the implantation of a fertilized egg.
“Obviously, nature has not chosen to put an age limit on that,” Paulson said.
He said he does not anticipate a high demand for in vitro fertilization in postmenopausal women. The average age of women in the USC egg-donation program is 43.
“I’m really hoping to reach women in their late 30s and early 40s whose infertility is due to a defect in egg production and who are in the earliest stages of menopause,” Paulson said. “They should be aware that this therapy exists, that it’s highly effective and, by gosh, if it can work for someone who’s 63 years old, it’ll work for them.”
Semeniuk Carson encourages anyone who’s thinking about late parenthood to go for it.
“Nine years ago when I had my daughter, I thought child rearing was just a question of being organized. Now, I know better. You just pour yourself a glass of wine and have a good laugh.”