Q. I have been married for 10 years to a terrific guy. I know he loves me. We have a great sex life (I thought).
There’s nothing we haven’t done. The problem is that when we are having sex he always fantasizes about me being with another man or else he’s looking in the mirror.
When I ask him about this, he says that I’m beautiful and sexy and he enjoys thinking about me being with someone else during sex. That’s not the real problem, though.
After we have sex, I’ll ask him for more and he’ll tell me he’s tired or only good for one time (he’s 40, not 80). Then later that day I’ll spy on him and see him masturbating to either a dirty book or movie.
I don’t know what to think. Is it me? What do I do?
My mind is telling me he would rather look at books and movies than be with me.
A. Don’t panic. First of all, look on the bright side. You started out saying that you have a great sex life. That’s still true, isn’t it?
Getting turned on by certain fantasies is no big deal. It’s too bad he told you about them because now they bother you, but there’s really no harm in them per se.
More Top Picks Best High Contrast Computer Mice For Seniors
The fact that he can’t have another erection right after ejaculating is also par for the course, though he could give you further stimulation.
As far as his masturbating later in the day, let me start with a question. Is that something you’re sure he does often, or did it only happen once or twice? It certainly doesn’t indicate that he doesn’t find you attractive. It just means that he felt like masturbating at that particular time.
Married people masturbating is not bad as long as the other person feels satisfied with the sexual relationship. There may be some fine-tuning that needs to be done with yours, but since in general you think it’s great, I wouldn’t be overly concerned.