Q. Having been married to a woman who liked being spanked before sex, I believe I understand the total frustration of the lady who recently wrote to you. My experience causes me to disagree with your advice that they should view a video on S&M. That is the last thing a person hooked on spanking wants to see. Spanking among consenting couples has little to do with S&M. Satisfaction (for the spankee) is not the actual bare-bottom hand-spanking but the ritual that goes with it such as being exposed, the thrill of waiting for the first slap and, most important, the communication that occurs between the spanker and spankee. Spanking sessions do not even have to culminate in sex.
This lady might be interested to know that she is not alone and that there are even spanking clubs, which perhaps she should consider joining in order to receive some support from other spouses.
A. As I’ve been saying for years, if two consenting adults enjoy a particular sexual behavior, and if no one is pressured into it or gets hurt by it, then by all means they should engage in it. So whether it’s the actually spanking or the anticipation during the arousal phase, as long as both people are willing partners, then they should go ahead.