Q. I’m a middle-aged man who was infected with genital herpes some years ago. It wasn’t as a result of promiscuity, as I was in a settled relationship and neither of us strayed. I was advised by a specialist that I’d been unwittingly infected by my partner who was a carrier displaying no symptoms.
This relationship sadly broke up three years ago, and I’ve not had a relationship since. I know safe sex procedures would prevent the disease being passed on, but I’m too embarrassed to explain the situation to a new partner. Is there any hope for people like me?
A. Sorry to say that you are not alone in your predicament. In fact, there are more than 30 million people infected with herpes in the United States. Luckily for you, herpes is not deadly, and while there is no cure, there are new drugs on the market that can help. I would suggest that if you are not under the care of a physician, you seek one out who can tell you what your medical options are.
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On a personal level, you will have to learn how to deal with this disease. One thing that would help you would be to be able to talk to others in your area who are going through the same circumstances. There are discussion groups that exist throughout the country, so try to find one near you. You could also try surfing the Internet. One place you could start is my home page (www.drruth.com) as I’ve listed some sites that post information about sexually transmitted diseases.
Because herpes is so widespread, it no longer has to be a crucial factor in forming a relationship. Of course you have to tell any potential partner that you have the disease, but if you wait until you have formed a relationship (but, of course, don’t wait until after you’ve had sex), then you have a good chance of being able to keep this partner. And if the person does walk away, so be it. You’ll just have to pick yourself up and try again.
It’s not easy having herpes, or any sexually transmitted disease, but it’s not life-threatening, so don’t let it ruin your life from a psychological point of view.