“As a veteran,” said Slats Grobnik, “I am proud of my record at ducking KP, playing poker and the long hours I spent drinking beer in the enlisted men’s club. But I got to say that I think the Republicans ought to stop whacking Bill Clinton for being a draft dodger.”
Why? Do you believe it is a cheap shot, a low blow and distasteful negative campaigning?
“Nah, cheap shots and low blows are as much a part of politics as they are of pro wrestling. Who’d pay attention without ’em?”
Then why are you against Republicans reminding voters of Clinton’s well-documented efforts to avoid the Vietnam war?
“Because it ain’t smart. It won’t get Republicans any votes, and it might even make Clinton more popular.”
You’re saying that having dodged the draft could help Clinton? That is amazingly silly.
“Uh-huh. I figured you’d say that. So tell me, what kind of guys got drafted and went to Vietnam?”
We all know that. Those who couldn’t get deferments for being in college, teaching in inner-city schools or had enough clout to get into stay-home reserve units.
“Yeah, so that war was fought by a lot of working-class white kids, right? And a lot of black kids.”
That’s the way it worked out.
“So, all these Vietnam veterans grew up, right? A lot of them got gray hair, and chances are that the working-class kids are now working-class older guys. And the black kids from poor backgrounds are now middle-aged black guys from poor backgrounds.”
That stands to reason.
“So you think all these middle-aged black veterans are going to vote for Bob Dole because Clinton managed to save his hide?”
No, since blacks vote overwhelmingly Democratic, I suppose Clinton will get their votes.
“And you think that most of these working-class white guys are going to vote for someone from a party they think is out to pick their pockets and give tax breaks to rich fat cats?”
If the issues are framed that way, probably no.
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“OK, how many guys do you figure ducked the draft one way or another during Vietnam?”
That’s impossible to measure. My guess would be that those who found a way not to go far outnumber those who were stuck with the bloody job.
“Yeah. So you figure they got a guilty conscience and wake up crying because they didn’t get a chance to get shot?”
No, I must admit that those I’ve talked to about it still believe it was a wasteful, unnecessary war and were smart to have found a way to avoid taking part.
“So there’s a big draft-dodger vote out there, right? Not just the old long-hair, anti-war hippies and yippies but the suburban kids who were from well-off families that could afford to keep them in school and out of the Army.”
I suppose you could say that.
“You figure that after all these years, they’re going to hold it against Clinton because he did what they did?”
No, I would imagine that most will sympathize with Clinton on this issue.
“Then tell me where the advantage is for the Republicans if they make a big deal out of Clinton ducking the Army?”
Ah, you have forgotten about the many WW II and Korean vets for whom there is no more foul a word than draft dodger.
“Izzat so? Well, all these young guys who ducked the draft–what were their fathers doing between 1941 and 1945?”
I suppose they did what most young men did during those years–they went off and fought World War II.
“So are they gonna be mad at Clinton for doing what they helped their own kids do?”
I can’t read their minds. There are all kinds of World War II vets and attitudes.
“Right. But what is the one thing they have in common besides being in the war?”
Their age?
“You got it. They’re geezers. Even us Korean War vets are getting to be geezers. So what do geezers worry about more than anything else?”
I suppose it would be enduring old age–medical care, pensions, Social Security, that sort of stuff.
“And who talks a better game on the geezer issues–Clinton, or Gingrich and the rest of the Republican crowd?”
I think we all know the answer to that. But we must not forget the vivid contrast between Clinton and a heroic war casualty such as Dole.
“Are you kidding? Dole ought to forget WW II.”
How can you say that after what he went through?
“I’ll tell you why–because every time Dole talks about what he did in WW II, he reminds people that he ain’t no kid. It’s been over for 51 years, and most Americans don’t even know who was on what side. All they know is that the vets are geezers. And in this society, being a geezer gets you a discount on a bus ride, but that’s the only good in it.”
OK, you’ve convinced me. But who would have thought that in this patriotic country dodging the draft could be a badge of honor and work to a candidate’s advantage?
“That’s because you forgot one of the most popular slogans from the 1960s. But Clinton didn’t.”
What slogan?
“Make love, not war.”
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