We knew Dustin Hoffman. Dustin Hoffman was a favorite of ours. You, young man, are no Dustin Hoffman.
According to the press release, “The Pallbearer” is about a young man who gives the eulogy at the funeral of a classmate he doesn’t remember. Forget that. It’s really a remake of the 1967 movie “The Graduate.” Here’s how:
– Both are about the seduction of a young man by an older woman. In “G” it’s Dustin Hoffman by the elegant Anne Bancroft as Mrs. Robinson, a character and a name that have become part of our culture. Here, a seedy Barbara Hershey, with skunky platinum hair and chipped red nail polish, gets it on with David Schwimmer.
– In both, the young hero is making time with the older woman, but pining over a lush beauty his own age. In “G” it was the radiant Katharine Ross; in “P” it’s the angelic Gwyneth Paltrow.
– In both, the hero is at an especially rootless point in his life–out of college, with no job and no direction.
– Both heroes live at home, with their families.
– Both heroes are Jewish. Or are they? Dustin Hoffman, who is Jewish, plays Benjamin. Benjamin seems Jewish–it’s a Jewish-sounding name–yet his parents are tall, lanky Gentiles. Was he adopted from the Jewish Orphanage? Never resolved. Likewise, David Schwimmer, who is Jewish, plays Tom Thompson. Definitely not a Jewish name. Yet his mother is a kvetching Carol Kane, who plays a stereotypical overbearing Jewish mother. His girlfriend, Paltrow, looks like a WASP princess, but her name is Julie DeMarco. If she’s Italian, you’re reading the Village Voice.
While we’re on it: On “Friends,” Schwimmer plays Ross Geller. Jewish name. His father is played by Elliott Gould, who is Jewish and looks it. But his sister Monica is played by Courteney Cox. Jewish? I don’t think so. Was she left on the doorstep?
If that isn’t confusing enough, isn’t Lisa Kudrow, who plays ditzy Phoebe (Phoebe is not Jewish. There are no Jewish, folk-singing, vegetarian young women looking for their birth fathers. Well, maybe a few), really Jewish? She was married recently in a Jewish ceremony.
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And then, Jennifer Aniston, who looks Jewish, and plays Rachel (very Jewish name), and whose mother is played by Marlo Thomas (who isn’t Jewish, but could be: dark hair, nose job) and who was engaged to Barry (Jewish name) and fits the nasty JAP profile–spoiled, materialistic–is really Greek. Go know.
And, one more thing. On “Seinfeld,” why does Kramer, who could never be Jewish, have a Jewish name, while George Costanza, who is definitely Jewish (his parents are Jerry Stiller and Estelle Harris!), have an Italian one? Just asking.