There are sure things. Potholes, cellulite, fruit flies. And there are sure things. The Bulls in 15.
Anticipating anything other than a Bulls championship is for idiots and Alonzo Mourning.
Believing anyone is going to keep Michael Jordan from rewriting his own legend is for numbskulls and Shaquille O’Neal.
Concluding that the Bulls will beat themselves is for dunces and Spike Lee.
Determining that the Bulls wasted their best basketball chasing an insignificant record and that the rest of the league will now step up to the Bulls’ level is for boors and John Starks.
Envisioning that the Bulls will choke is for losers and Greg Norman.
Faulting Phil Jackson for anything is for fools and Pat Riley.
Giving no credit to Steve Kerr for throwing daggers from the three-point line is for nitwits and Nick Van Exel.
Hoping that Dennis Rodman will self-destruct in the playoffs is for crepe hangers and J.R. Reid.
Imagining that the Bulls will now waste the greatest season in NBA history is for dimwits and Reggie Miller.
Jumping to the conclusion that the Bulls are as selfish and uncommitted as other teams in basketball is for jerks and Cedric Ceballos.
Keeping fingers crossed that the Bulls will miss the team bus and not show up at all is for truants and Patrick Ewing.
Lecturing Rodman about misconduct on the floor is for clods and Christian Laettner.
Making a big deal out of Toni Kukoc’s occasional brain cramps on defense is for nincompoops and Vlade Divac.
Nitpicking about the inadequacy of Bill Wennington’s vertical leap is for victims and Hakeem Olajuwon.
Objecting to the Bulls already having too many titles is for failures and Gary Payton.
Picking against the Bulls in the NBA playoffs is for blockheads and Anthony Mason.
Questioning whether Scottie Pippen is too tired or too wounded to win is for soreheads and Charles Barkley.
Reading anything into the Bulls losing 10 games during the regular season is for fuss pots and Anfernee Hardaway.
Suspecting that Luc Longley is not center enough to stand against the rest of the league is for bums and Rik Smits.
Thinking that this Bulls team is satisfied is for dummies and Shawn Kemp.
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Urging the Bulls to play soft because there is a referees’ conspiracy against them is for neurotics and Hue Hollins.
Venturing a guess that the Bulls will lose even one game in the United Center is for skeptics and Horace Grant.
Whining is for weirdos and Danny Ferry.
X-raying the Bulls’ few failures for signs of weakness is for nitpickers and Bill Walton.
Yelping about Rodman at the free-throw line is for dolts and Charles Oakley.
Zeroing in on the truth is for the rest of us.
We know what we know. And what we know is this: There are sure things and there are sure things.
There are models and there are supermodels. There are basketball teams and there are the Bulls.
In 15.