Q A few weeks ago another newspaper columnist told a woman living with a man who refused to marry her to leave him. That reply really hurt me. I’m in my early 70s and for the past 15 years I’ve been living with a wonderful man. We are inseparable, we eat together, walk together, laugh and cry together. His only fault is that he won’t discuss marriage. He told me he has had a bad experience and knows of too many others.
You had a letter in your column to a woman who had lived with a man for five years without a ring and you told her to stay with him. I agree because if you love each other and are good to each other, you must love him enough to understand why he doesn’t want to get married.
A. I’m glad that you wrote to me because I strongly believe that if there is a commitment between two people who are good companions, both on an emotional and intellectual level, then sometimes the marriage ceremony might not be required. Now, if one or the other would want it very badly, that’s a different story. It would create some pressure, and then problems might arise out of that person’s unhappiness and disappoint. But if both are satisfied in the relationship and if both have their needs met,there should be no stigma attached to the fact that they are not married, especially if they are older and there is no possibility of having children.