Q. I write in the hope that you can help answer my question. I keep company with a 69-year-old woman. I am 77. The first five months were very pleasant. No mention of sex, just day outings here and there and also dinner and tea at her place. One night, as I prepared to leave, I went into the bathroom. When I came back, she was half naked on the couch. I got out of there as fast as I could. What is wrong with her?
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A. If you had been 27 and she 19, would you have run out of there just as quickly? If it’s a question of your moral values, then you were right to leave. If, on the other hand, you were shocked because she was an older woman, then you should know that just because people grow older doesn’t mean that they should give up on sex. Maybe she was waiting for you to make the first move, and when you didn’t, she decided to take matters into her own hands.
You asked what is wrong with her, and while I’m not saying that what she did was “right,” I also don’t think she was “wrong.” No one should be pressured into having sex, and if that’s not what you wanted from the relationship, you were right to react the way you did. But maybe she thought you needed a little prodding to get things started. After all, five months had passed, and while her tactics were not ones I would recommend, she shouldn’t be condemned for having sexual desires that she wanted to have fulfilled.