Fortunately, on the eve of the national collegiate basketball tournament, we find exactly as many questions as there are answers.
Q–Have Rick Pitino, the Kentucky coach, and the Energizer bunny ever been seen in the same place?
A–Nor has Ruth Westheimer.
Q–Instead of being politically incorrect when broadcaster Billy Packer calls someone a “tough monkey,” isn’t he entitled to use poetic license?
A–As long as he gets it from a zoologist.
Q–What is the significance of Connecticut’s Ray Allen, Villanova’s Kerry Kittles, Georgetown’s Allen Iverson and Massachusetts’ Marcus Camby dominating all the postseason selections?
A–They are changing the name of this year’s All-American team to the All-Eastern Corridor team.
Q–Where have we seen Georgia coach Tubby Smith before?
A–In the mirror.
Q–Didn’t California guard Shareef Abdur-Rahim use to be Lew Alcindor Jr.?
A–Or Newt Gingrich.
Q–How do you tell the difference between Monmouth, N.J., and Monmouth, Ill.?
A–Ask directions.
Q–What is the secret for success of Massachusetts coach John Calipari?
A–Gall.
Q–What exactly is a Ratings Percentage Index, anyhow?
A–The number of people who sat all the way through “Cutthroat Island.”
Q–Who does Gene Keady’s hair?
A–John Deere.
Q–Is it true that a couple of Cincinnati players assaulted a policeman’s horse?
A–He was asking for it.
Q–If Pete Carril’s announcement that he is retiring worked for Princeton, why didn’t it work for Lou Henson?
More Top Picks Best Portable Monitors For Students
A–Carril waited until after his team had made the tournament.
Q–Could anyone but relatives pick Purdue’s starting lineup out of a room full of office furniture?
A–Close relatives, no in-laws.
Q–When was the last time Valparaiso went to the Big Dance?
A–John Philip Sousa was leading the band.
Q–Does this mean that Georgetown’s John Thompson is back?
A–Like a virus.
Q–Is there any good reason for North Carolina-Greensboro and Wisconsin-Green Bay?
A–Dyslexia.
Q–Won’t Arizona’s Lute Olson be the first coach to whine about something?
A–Not as long as Connecticut’s Jim Calhoun has a three-hour time zone advantage.
Q–When did Kentucky start wearing faded blue denim?
A–Just after church.
Q–Who is the shortest one in the tournament, Earl Boykins of Eastern Michigan or that little guard from George Washington?
A–Rick Pitino.
Q–Why does Malik Rose, the Drexel star, play the tuba?
A–The flute was taken.
Q–Exactly what kind of trouble did Villanova’s Kittles get in over using a telephone credit card?
A –He couldn’t get it out of the coin slot.
Q–Is that the same Mississippi Valley State that gave the world Jerry Rice?
A–And that’s the same Louisville that is giving the world DeJuan Wheat.
Q–Isn’t the mascot of Canisius, the Golden Griffin, a myth?
A–No, the Griffin is real, Canisius is a myth.
Q–How good are UCLA’s chances of defending its national championship?
A–As good as pasta in a propeller.
Q–So, who is No. 1, Kentucky or Massachusetts?
A–Cutthroat Island or not, it’s still Geena Davis.