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player ready...Q. My parents are getting divorced, which is really upsetting me. I broke up with my boyfriend because of it. I don’t want to go through the same thing. Is there any way to prevent people from splitting up?
A. In most cases, children cannot prevent their parents from splitting up and they should be told that it’s not their fault and it does not mean that they will not be able to have a successful marriage. You are going to have to learn to accept your parents’ divorce, and if you need help in doing that, ask to speak with a counselor. There is probably somebody at your school who is familiar with treating young people in situations like yours.
One of the things a counselor is going to advise you is to make sure that you don’t get pulled into taking sides by either parent. This is not your fight and you have to stay neutral – both your mother and father will always remain your parents no matter what.
As far as breaking up with your boyfriend, that would be a mistake. Divorce isn’t hereditary. Instead you have to say to yourself that you will learn from the mistakes that your parents made. I do suggest you have a long talk with him, explain your fears and ask for some special support while you are feeling these insecurities because of what is happening at home. You might start this conversation off by showing him this column.