They had just finished a big expense-account dinner-tall drinks, rare prime rib, plump lobster-and were rambling toward Michigan Avenue, a dozen salesmen in Chicago for a corporate meeting.
They were relaxed and jovially talked about stopping for an after-dinner drink before they went back to their hotel.
Just then she appeared-an attractive woman who wobbled on her high heels and appeared to be quite tipsy.
Danny, a salesman from Minnesota, describes the events:
“She was nicely dressed and did not look like a prostitute.
“But she started bumping into the guys in our group and asking if they wanted a date.
“Then she started groping us. You know, our private parts. Everyone was kind of surprised. You don’t expect something like that to happen to you near Michigan Avenue.
“Well, she was laughing and she bounced off a couple of guys and then she came after me. She grabbed my belt and was about to put her hands down my pants.
“I told her, `Hey, forget it, I’m a married man,’ and I pushed her away.
“We kept going and she pulled up her sweater and flashed one of her breasts and everyone laughed, and then she was gone as fast as she appeared.
“It wasn’t until a minute or two later that I put my hand in my pocket and . . .”
And? As Detective Eddie, a Chicago cop, put it: “She was a ball-knocker. That’s one of the oldest tricks among pickpockets. That’s what they’re called, the women who grab your crotch and take your wallet or cash because you are thinking about your crotch instead of your money.”
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When Danny the salesman put his hand in his pocket, he found that his money was gone.
“Wow, she was good. I was so busy pushing her away, I didn’t have the slightest idea that she was picking my pocket. I had my wallet in my jacket and my jacket was over my arm. So she went into my pocket and took my cash, maybe $50. I didn’t feel a thing.”
Of course not. The average middle-class male becomes narrowly focused when an attractive female tries to seize his reproductive organs. He doesn’t think about his cash, wallet or wristwatch during so surprisingly intimate a moment. If he thinks of anything, it is what might be if he didn’t have a faithful wife and several fine kids at home.
Pickpockets are Detective Eddie’s specialty. It’s one of the world’s most popular crimes. Dips are everywhere, from Hong Kong to Paris to Chicago. At any given moment, some thief is picking an honest citizen’s pocket.
It’s an ancient craft. By the time Dickens wrote “Oliver Twist,” with the creepy Fagin teaching kids the art of plucking a poke, it was a very old skill.
What keeps pocket picking going is its relative triviality. With teenagers killing each other and Wall Street types stealing billions, who cares about a pocket filcher?
But they are here, especially in a town like Chicago, which attracts tourists and convention-goers, who are most vulnerable to fast fingers.
Fast fingers-that’s the key. In a way, it makes them admirable as criminals go. They are deft, not violent. They must work at their trade as apprentices, plucking bell-laden trousers until they get the wallet without a tinkle.
It isn’t O.J. or Whitewater. But as crime goes, it’s more legit than most.
“They all work in teams,” says Eddie the cop. “You got your ball-knockers, like the lady you told me about. You got your sneezers, where they sneeze on you in an elevator, and while they are wiping off your lapel, they take your wallet. You got your revolving door trick, where they say their foot is caught in the door, and while you’re helping them, they grab your wallet.
“It is always a distraction. So if someone sneezes on you in an elevator, or you see someone stuck in a revolving door, grab your wallet. They are picking your pocket.
“See, they don’t ever work alone. Always in teams. One does the lift, the other is the lookout, and third is the pass-off, the person they pass the wallet or money to.
“There are groups of criminals who have classes in pocket picking. they have sophisticated methods. Generally, they do drugs. They aren’t violent. But if threatened, they will be. Many of the women-those who grope-carry a razor.
“They are downtown on Michigan Avenue. They’re at O’Hare, in nightclubs. They are in the suburbs. Beware of people who stand around in bars but don’t have a drink or order food. Chances are, they are pickpockets.
“If someone smiles at you, watch out. If someone says they love you, watch out. If they grab your crotch, if you don’t look like Robert Redford, watch out. Be realistic, if a woman grabs your crotch, ask why? Are you that handsome or is she out to steal your wallet? Look in the mirror.”
So if a female approaches you and conducts herself in a lewd manner, cast her aside and yell for the cops.
Unless she is your wife. But I’d be careful there too.