Way back when, the more ingenuous-or desperate-of us used toilet paper.
That was before we were given the old-fashioned, padded, pushup bra.
Then silicone implants came and went. And we then were presented with the push-’em-up and stick-’em-out Wonder-Bra.
Apparently, accepting what nature doles out to us is bad business.
Now we have the ultimate in falsies: Intrigue, silicone “breast enhancers” that the under-endowed or overly insecure can tuck discreetly into lingerie for a little-ahem-boost.
Amoena Corp., a Georgia manufacturer, based the squishy little gizmos on technology patented on breast prostheses for mastectomy patients, according to spokeswoman Karen Canavan. Intrigue’s use is strictly cosmetic, Canavan adds.
Amoena calls it the “American Cleavage Revolution.”
Intrigue comes in a dandy little box that is emblazoned with a “before and after” photo. In the before shot, a model is wearing a slightly baggy brassiere. In the after picture, she wears the same bra, but is, well, bursting forth with abundance.
Another option: Buy a bra that fits!
Not if the Amoena folks can help it . . .
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“Unfortunately, most women lack this shape so openly exemplified by revered supermodels such as Claudia Schiffer and Cindy Crawford,” the press release reads.
Gee. And last season, we were having fits over mirroring the Twiggy-like proportions of revered supermodel Kate Moss.
The press kit goes on to proclaim, “Today, an enhanced bustline gives women not only a sense of femininity but one of self-confidence and power.”
Power.
Hmmm.
Now, Dolly Parton, for example, may have power in spades, but I suspect it is generated more from the millions overflowing her bank account than it is from her overflowing bar cup.
Fashionably late
While researching her latest book, “Fashionably Late” (HarperCollins, $24), a novel that takes a spicy swipe at the often sleazy world of fashion, best-selling author Olivia Goldsmith wandered the malls of America.
There she found women who staked their identity on the designer labels they wore on their backs.
“Watching women shoppers was like watching sharks moving through the water,” says Goldsmith, who also penned the “First Wives Club” and “Flavor of the Month,” and who will be in Chicago this week promoting her newest endeavor. “The serious shoppers did it alone. And they never stopped moving.”