It was well after midnight last Saturday and John the Greek, a friend of mine, was gazing out the window of the Borderline Tavern at the triple intersection of Milwaukee, North and Damen.
John is a fan of spontaneous street drama, and he says: “That’s still one of the city’s more entertaining intersections. Something is always happening. Last summer, a couple of local gangs had a shootout there. They both ran out of ammo, so they all drove away, reloaded, came back and blazed away some more. Very lively performance.”
So last Saturday he was watching the passing scene.
“I saw this beater coming along. On a used car lot, it might go for $200. There’s a red light, but I can see that it isn’t going to slow down. Goes right through the light.
“And it clips a little piece of a Chevy Blazer. The Blazer looked new. Real nice.
“At first, I wasn’t sure they had even made contact. But I went outside and I could see some pieces of plastic on the ground. So the beater probably nicked his taillight. Whatever, it wasn’t a lot of damage. Not even a fender-bender.
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“Both cars stopped. But all of a sudden, the old beater takes off north on Milwaukee Avenue. So the Blazer takes off after it.
“I go to the corner and take a look. About two, maybe three blocks away, the beater does a fast U-turn and comes back in my direction.
“Then the Blazer hangs a big U and comes flying after the beater.
“It’s a lot faster, and it catches up a half a block before they get to the intersection.
“Then the Blazer pulls out and sideswipes the beater.
“It was like they do it in those chase scenes in the movies, when one car swerves and crashes into the side of the other car to make it stop or run it off the road.
“I couldn’t believe it. The guy driving the new Blazer is smashing the hell out of the beater to make it stop. But he’s smashing the hell out of his nice new car to do it.
“But he did it. The beater stopped. It spins out and bangs into a taxi that just got to the intersection.
“That wasn’t enough for the guy driving the Blazer, though. He wheels around and sideswipes the other side of the beater. In the process, of course, he messes his own car up even worse.
“And before he could stop, he does a head-on with an old blue Dodge that just got there. That scrunches the fronts of the Dodge and the Blazer.
“But you know what the guys in the Dodge did? They just backed up, then took off real fast. They were out of there. They must have been guilty of something themselves. Maybe the Dodge was stolen or loaded with burglary loot or who knows what? But they weren’t about to stop and swap insurance companies. They were gone.
“Now the three guys in the Blazer get out. Oh, were they mad. That’s when I realized this was a real macho thing.
“There were two guys in the beater, and they didn’t want to get out. So the three guys from the Blazer grabbed some tools and bashed in the windshield and the side windows and dragged them out.
“First they punched ’em around. Then they drag them over to the Blazer and bang their heads on the hood. I mean hard. They were putting dents in the hood of their own car. I still can’t figure that out-why they didn’t bang their heads on the hood of the beater?
“After they beat on the guys awhile, they get back in the Blazer and drive about a half a block away and just stop. Like they’re deciding what to do next.
“Then they take off. But by then, someone in the tavern had phoned the cops and given a description of the Blazer.
“In a couple of minutes a squad shows up. And the cops are talking to the two guys in the beater, who were obviously drunk besides being a real mess from the stomping they took.
“About 10 minutes later, the Blazer comes back with an escort from some squad cars that spotted them.
“The police are trying to make some sense out of it, but some of the guys were yelling at each other in Spanish, so they had to find a cop who could interpret.
“Finally, they all drove to the police station, the Blazer, the taxi, even the beater. After the pounding it took, it could still run.
“Before they left, I went over and looked at the Blazer. Now it was a real mess. I figure the body work will have to cost at least $5,000. All that to get revenge for maybe $200 damage to a taillight.”
Which just shows that macho is strong, macho is tough, macho is proud.
But macho is also very stupid and expensive.