Bomb the Serbs. Tonya Harding shouldn’t skate in Lillehammer. The California earthquake was tragic, but I’m staying pretty dry-eyed about those mudslides in Malibu.
These days, you just have to have an opinion.
Even if you get the chance to voice your opinion once a week in a newspaper column, polite society requires that you marshal views on everything from Hillary Rodham Clinton’s (latest) coif to the new format for the major league baseball playoffs to the fine points of the Clean Air Act.
On television, we are swamped by opinions from angry folks on CNN’s “Crossfire”; from serious folks on C-SPAN; self-promoting folks on CNBC; and seriously disturbed folks on “Geraldo” and the rest of the psychic emergency rooms that fill the morning-show roster.
A recent survey of Capitol Hill staffers found “The McLaughlin Group” to be the preferred television viewing for this influential, news-happy crowd.
The idea that these folks are amused and informed by an empty-headed self-promoter such as John McLaughlin demonstrates, as David Letterman has suggested, that we are near the end of civilization.
Still, McLaughlin and his boon companions have their opinions. So here are some more of mine:
– Michael Jordan ought to make good on his pledge to avoid the news media and spend some time with his kids.
– Whoopi Goldberg is an annoying choice to play host to the Academy Awards.
– America does not need even one more microbrewery.
– For the most part, I thought retired Adm. Bobby Ray Inman made a lot of sense.
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– MTV and its correspondent, Tabitha Soren, went in the tank for Bill Clinton in 1992, and she was awarded a formerly prestigious Peabody Award for her uninformed partisanship.
There was a time when a talent for tact was considered worthwhile, when a flair for understatement was a sign of intellect and breeding, when a man such as Warren Christopher was not viewed as a wax dummy.
There was a time when every issue on the public docket didn’t have to be judged on a scale of 1 to 10. But those days are gone.
– The White House stonewalling on the Whitewater case has a lot less to do with Mr. Clinton than it does with Mrs. Clinton.
– Rice cakes and cafe latte are the pesto of the ’90s.
– The evidence suggests that Rush Limbaugh, Mona Charen and the rest of the buffed-up right wingers all over TV these days hate Hillary Clinton just a little more than is necessary.
– I’m all in favor of the government giving money to PBS. I just can’t figure out what they use it for.
– Like Jay. Love Letterman. Don’t get Conan.
The percentage in keeping your opinions to yourself has been lost. Guys who used to play records for a living now show up encumbered with more opinions than the editorial page of The Wall Street Journal.
Speaking of editorial pages, The New York Times, once a redoubt of the solid, on-the-one-hand-this, on-the-other-hand-that approach, has begun to read like a Dan Jenkins novel. But I mean that in a good way.
Not long ago, President Clinton had to weigh in on the whole should-Tonya-skate deal. At press briefings and photo ops, the president touts the books he’s read, the movies he’s seen, the meals he’s enjoyed.
In the new world order, professional golfers are quizzed on federal tax policy, film stars proffer opinions on the homeless, and television evangelists are consulted on presidential politics, if they aren’t raising money for their own campaigns.
So let’s ape the fashion and wind this thing up with a half-dozen unsolicited random views, then get on with our lives:
– I’ve got some doubts that congressional hearings on gangsta rap are the best possible use of taxpayer dollars.
– It’s pretty good, but ABC’s “N.Y.P.D. Blue” should apologize for being on the same air as NBC’s “Homicide.”
– There may be a sillier newspaper column on the planet than Larry King’s effort in USA Today, but I’ve never found it.
– Those “Harry and Louise” TV ads sponsored by the insurance company moneybags (read the fine print on your screen) are driving me into the arms of the Clinton health-care plan.
– Why are all the networks chasing ABC’s Diane Sawyer? Her (designer) suit has been empty since she left “60 Minutes.”
– Finally, it’s my belief that the most compelling statistic of our time may be this: Homicide is now the third leading cause of death in the workplace.