Let’s light the candle on 1994 right, with an up-to-the-minute comedy quiz. Guess who’s working at the comedy clubs on New Year’s Eve, using his or her joke as a clue. Lineups are subject to change; call the club for times and various price packages.
All Jokes Aside (1000 S. Wabash Ave.; 312-922-0577):
“This white guy asked me who was on (my television) show, and I told him. And then he asked me if there were any white people on the show. And I said, `No, but there wasn’t no brothers on “Cheers,” and I watched that for years.’ “
a) Martin Lawrence
b) John Henton
c) Esther Rolle
d) Jaleel White
e) Lisa Bonet
The answer is “b,” John Henton of Fox-TV’s hit comedy “Living Single.” Henton plays Overton the building maintenance man on the show, which also stars Queen Latifah, Kim Coles, Chicago’s T.C. Carson and Kim Fields.
Henton admits there’s been some pressure as a result of being on a freshman television series that’s also a hit, but he’s “just trying to let that go and just actually have fun. And accept the fact that we’re blessed black folks to have a show like this.”
Double Exposure (1909 Spring Rd.-Hyatt Oak Brook Hotel; 708-573-7888):
“I don’t come from a close-knit family. At my dad’s funeral, my mom and I left early to beat the rush.”
a) Marie Osmond
b) Danny Bonaduce
c) Michael Jackson
d) Marcia Brady
e) None of the above
The answer is “e,” none of the above. That particular joke belongs to George Miller, who has appeared on both “The Tonight Show” and “Late Night” a combined 100 times.
Miller, a standup comic for 20 years, says his New Year’s resolution is to “try to lose a little weight. Just to try to have better health. I used to jog three miles a day, and then I saw I was getting a little bit older, so I started fast-walking three miles a day. Now I just drive.”
Funny Firm (318 W. Grand Ave.; 312-321-9500):
“You’re supposed to tell everybody in (a wedding present thank-you note) how you’re going to use their gift. I felt like an idiot. Like they don’t know? `Thank you for the toaster. We’re going to use it to heat bread.’ “
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a) Rich Jeni
b) Mike MacDonald
c) Joey Buttafuoco
d) Brian Regan
e) Donald Trump
The answer is “d,” the talented Brian Regan, best known for using his face and body to enhance the joke in an entertaining way. Regan says he’s made a New Year’s resolution of working “towards ending hunger and promoting world peace.” Or: “Stop eating fatty foods.”
Regan says he’s in the middle of a development deal with Universal’s television department, “and we’re hoping to come up with a sitcom idea which will vault me to the level . . . where I can begin working on my first New Year’s resolution” of ending world hunger and promoting world peace, God bless him.
Zanies (1548 N. Wells St.; 312-337-4027):
“I went to a full-service gas station (in Hollywood) and the guy says, `I just don’t pump gas for a living, I’m really an actor.’ And I said, `Act like a gas station attendant and get my windows.’ “
a) Richard Pryor
b) Paula Poundstone
c) John Caponera
d) Sam Kinison
e) Jerry Seinfeld
The answer is “c,” John Caponera, who will be starting 1994 off right. His new NBC situation comedy, “The Good Life,” will be premiering with a special episode on Monday before settling into its regular spot on Tuesday.
The series stars the Chicago native as a manager at a lock distribution company in Chicago, who also has a wife and three children at home. “The Good Life” also stars standup comic Drew Carey as Caponera’s co-manager.
Zanies-Vernon Hills (230 Hawthorn Village Commons, Vernon Hills; 708-549-6030):
“My wife and I are so exhausted with being the parents of young twins. We’ve begun saving lovemaking for special occasions. Such as a lunar landing.”
a) Dennis Wolfberg
b) Andrew Dice Clay
c) John Wayne Bobbitt
d) Michael Alexander
e) All of the above
The answer is “a,” facial-expression expert Dennis Wolfberg, a man who says his New Year’s resolution is to not make any New Year’s resolutions.
“I’ve learned long since that it’s an exercise in futility,” says Wolfberg, who punctuates his punchlines with bulging eyes, a strained voice and other little treats. “My life is so close to perfect, why should I need resolutions? That implies there’s something to be resolved.”
With a wife, 2-year-old twin boys, a 7-year-old son and a fulfilling career, “I’m basically a woman of the ’90s,” Wolfberg jokes.
AND . . . Dennis Miller doesn’t make New Year’s resolutions (“I find that stuff goofy”), but with his plans for 1994, he doesn’t really have to.
Miller, one of the best “Weekend Update” anchors “Saturday Night Live” has ever had, will again step up to the talk show plate with a series on HBO that is scheduled to air in the spring.
The live, once-a-week show will be “just sort of me ranting in a more unfiltered way, because HBO doesn’t have to adhere to all the rules,” the comic says. The show will start out with an initial six-week run, may or may not feature guests and will go for somewhere between a half hour and an hour.
But before Miller again takes his place behind the desk, he’ll participate in one of the more bizarre standup couplings in years. Miller will perform the first of a two-part New Year’s Eve celebration at the Pheasant Run Resort in St. Charles.
Performing Part 2? Gallagher. Danny Bonaduce opens for the two. For show packages and other details, call 708-584-MEGA, or Ticketmaster, 312-902-1500.
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REGULAR AND . . . Singing other people’s hits on New Year’s Eve is Chicago native and Las Vegas regular Finis Henderson, who’ll be spending the night at the Improv, 504 N. Wells St. Call 312-STAND-UP for show times and reservations.
Chicago’s “Star Search” winner Michael Colyar will be (pound sign)$(pound sign)(asterisk sign)%&c% things up at a &c%@$ “Russell Simmon’s Def Jam” concert at the Bismarck Hotel, 171 W. Randolph St., on Friday. Call Ticketmaster at 312-559-1212 for $%(pound sign)$(pound sign)% tickets.
If it’s a quiet evening at home Friday, try “The Zanies Comedy Special” on WGN-Ch. 9 at 10:30 p.m. Talk show host Jenny Jones hosts, with Larry Reeb, Mark Reedy, Carla Filisha and Danny Bonaduce among those performing.