Lee the Rehabber has the ultimate driver’s test. He wants to know:
Is your car a home?
“I’m not talking about homeless people who live in ’67 Ford station wagons,” he said.
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“This is a test for sales and service people, rehabbers, commuters and parents who car pool. It’s for people who spend half their lives in their cars and want to make them as homey as possible.”
This is no test for slobs who cram their cars full of useless junk. Serious slobs will lose points. Lee believes a true auto home is organized.
Lee knows how to live in his car. His score went through the sunroof. Lee’s mini-van has everything from bottled spring water to a battery-powered pencil sharpener. The Mardi Gras beads hanging from his mirror are a personal touch.
To find out if you have a home on the road, take Lee’s test:
– Dinner time:
Do you carry salt and pepper packets? (5 points)
Ketchup packets? (5 points for yes. Minus 15 if they’re more than a month old.)
Fast-food napkins? (5 points)
Paper towels? (15 points)
Soda straws? (5 points. Minus 5 if they’re unwrapped.)
Wet wipes or tissues? (5 points each. Minus 5 for dirty tissues.)
Canned soda, juice jug, bottled water and snacks? (5 points each)
– Office time:
Do you carry pencils? (5 points each. No points for unsharpened ones.)
Pens? (5 points if they work, 25 points if they’re the same color and brand; that means you’re really organized.)
Receipt or estimate book? (5 points)
Paper? (10 points)
Dictionary? (10 points)
Car phone? (10 points. Give yourself 50 points if you refuse to have a phone in your car because you don’t want to be bothered. You’ve truly made your car a home.)
Car phone answering machine? (10 points)
– Be prepared:
Does your car have a first-aid kit? (25 points)
Aspirin or Tylenol? (10 points)
Jumper cables? (10 points)
Car repair tools? (25 points)
Blanket or pillow? (10 points each)
Flares? (10 points)
Flashlight that works? (10 points)
Rope or bungee cords for large purchases? (5 points)
Umbrella? (5 points if it’s in the trunk. 10 points if you can get to it in a downpour. Minus 5 if it has more than one broken spoke.)
Extra reading glasses? (10 points)
Sunglasses? (10 points)
Extra clothes? (Clean shirt, socks, pantyhose, etc., are 5 points each. Give yourself 25 points for a complete change of clothes, including socks and underwear. Minus 25 for dirty clothes.)
– The kids’ room:
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Do you have extra diapers? (5 points per box)
Baby wipes? (5 points per box. No points for dried-out ones.)
Little Golden Books? (5 points)
Hot Wheels or a small doll? (5 points)
Kids’ sing-along tapes? (5 points)
Cheap TV? (5 points)
A spare binkie? (10 points)
– Home decorating:
Extra credit for personalized mirror decorations-baby shoes, fuzzy dice, etc.-and bumper stickers that say something about you. (25 points)
If you have books on tape, CDs or music tapes, add 5 points.
Take 5 points off for dangling air fresheners.
The score:
If you have kids:
5 to 150 points-you just picked your car up at the dealer.
150 to 200-you use your car for short trips only.
200 to 250-you’re on your way home.
250 to 300-you have most of the comforts of home.
300 to 350-do you care if you get home?
350 and up-you are home.
If you have sanity:
5 to 100 points-You just picked your car up at the dealer.
100 to 150-You use your car for short trips only.
150 to 200-You’re on your way home.
200 to 250-You have most of the comforts of home.
250 to 300-Do you care if you get home?
300 and up-You are home.