MILLER’S IRREVERENCE TO LIFT ESPN AWARDS SHOW

ESPN didn’t pick Dennis Miller as emcee of its first “American Sports Awards” show at 8 p.m. Thursday just because the comedian once sneaked into a World Series game.

Or because Miller previously hosted the Sports Emmy Awards, the real Emmy Awards or an ill-fated late-night talk show.

Or because Miller has the kind of encyclopedic sports knowledge usually reserved for callers on sports-talk shows.

Nope.

ESPN picked Miller, whose greatest claim to fame probably is as the “Saturday Night Live” Weekend Update anchor, because “a hideous mistake was made,” says Miller at his droll best. “I fell through some cosmic window. They realized it too late contractually and they’re obligated. A horrible error.”

Not quite, says Vince Doria, ESPN special projects manager and coordinator of the ESPYs.

“We wanted to get a real talent to do this show,” says Doria. “It’s an added bonus that Dennis knows sports. He spent a day watching football with Chris Berman, Tom Jackson and the (NFL GameDay) gang. He knows his stuff. We learned that when he did the Sports Emmys for us a few years ago.”

“Berman,” replies Miller, “is a child compared to me. He’s cute, but a relative child.”

But seriously, folks . . .

“They got an entertainer (as host) because he can think on his feet,” speculates Miller. “Would you show up if Zeke Bratkowski were going to host this show? The reason they didn’t get a sports person is sports people haven’t been trained to stand in front of rooms full of people and think up five minutes of jokes. They needed somebody who can think on their feet.”

Miller’s training as a sports fan, which goes back to his youth in Pittsburgh, has led him to watching more than his share of “GameDays” and “SportsCenters” these days because “the world seems to be increasingly a madhouse. My alternatives (to sports) seem to be watching about 10-year-olds gone mad in England. I watch sports daily because there’s resolution and very infrequently is anybody hurt. It gives me some sort of clarity.”

Which makes his choice of Dick Vitale as his favorite sportscaster astounding.

“He’s the most entertaining announcer in any sport right now,” Miller says. “More than (John) Madden. I love his joie de vivre. I’m probably one of the few people who read his latest book.”

But Miller isn’t a sportscasting wannabe.

“Not even vaguely,” he says. “It didn’t seem like a good occupation to me.”

Apparently, neither did sportswriting.

“I was completely inept as an athlete,” he says. “I had to focus on memorizing players’ statistics instead. Like many sportswriters, I presume.”

Comedy is hard.

– The ESPYs, given for excellence in sports performance, will be awarded in more than 30 categories, 10 of which were voted on by the public. More than 60,000 calls to the special 900 number were received, according to Doria, about 10 times more than expected.

“The original estimate was 1,000 calls a week,” he says. “People are paying (95 cents) for this call and they aren’t receiving anything in return. It carried that freight with it.” But part of the proceeds were to be donated to the Ashe Foundation.

– Dustin Hoffman will present a tribute to Ashe during the awards show. “We asked him if he would do it because of his eloquence and love of tennis,” said an ESPN official, “and to our delight, he accepted.”

Among the presenters scheduled to appear at the Paramount Theater in New York’s Madison Square Garden are David Letterman, Bill Murray, George Wendt, Hammer, Mariel Hemingway, Jean-Claude Van Damme, George Foreman and Lou Holtz.

– Has NBC changed the direction of its “NBA Showtime” from its former hard-news edge to a softer feature look? Last week, for instance, “The Insiders” segment, which could have focused on such subjects as the upcoming trading deadline and the effect of Olden Polynice’s hunger strike on the Pistons, was jettisoned in favor of another lengthy interview with Shaquille O’Neal.

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On Sunday, Hannah Storm began her stint as temporary replacement for Bob Costas as the “Showtime” host, which could be an improvement since she has a tendency to stay out of the way of the gossipy “Insiders,” Bill Walton and Peter Vecsey. Storm, who twice previously hosted the show when Costas had commitments elsewhere, is scheduled to stay in that job through March. Costas is taking an extended vacation for the first time since before the Barcelona Games in August.

– CBS has selected the Indiana-Wisconsin game for its Big 10 wild-card telecast at 1 p.m. March 14. . . . “Kelly/Sports/Illinois,” a weekly half-hour show highlighting state high schools, junior colleges and universities produced and hosted by University of Illinois TV announcer Steve Kelly, premieres at 6 p.m. Wednesday on SportsChannel. . . . Former junior middleweight champ Vinny Pazienza returns to the ring for the second time since breaking his neck 16 months ago when he meets middleweight Brett Lally on USA Network’s “Tuesday Night Fights” at 8 p.m. . . . ESPN begins live daily coverage at 1 p.m. Monday of the ATP Champions Cup from Indian Wells, Calif.

– Random thoughts: Maybe it was the absence of top analyst Billy Packer, whose father died Thursday, but why did CBS have to waste so much of its Michigan-Ohio State halftime show on (gulp!) golf? . . . While he had to compete with Brent Musburger and Dick Vitale for air time, analyst Jim Valvano made a welcome return to Raycom/ABC’s college basketball announcing team Sunday. . . . As if he doesn’t have enough to worry about, Bob Knight now wants to be a TV producer. During the first half of Saturday’s Raycom telecast of the Indiana-Minnesota game, Knight walked over to the broadcast table and asked analyst Bill Hoskett to see a replay. . . . Best teacher: ESPN’s underrated Linda Cohn using a hockey clip to explain the various uses of the Yiddish word “meshuga.” . . . Glitch: NBC’s Ahmad Rashad forgetting the name of the Nets’ trainer. “And he’s one of my best friends,” stammered Rashad.