If the approach of the party season sends you into spasms of small-talk panic, you may have mingle phobia. But don`t worry: Jeanne Martinet understands how you feel.
The former book editor, who ran a singing telegram business in college, has developed techniques for working any event with ease, and she has assembled her tips, tricks and strategies in ”The Art of Mingling” (St. Martin`s, $8.95).
”I think it`s a modern-age phobia,” says Martinet, 34, who credits a grandmother with inspiring her to polish her conversational skills.
”Maybe it`s a television thing. When it comes to talking to strangers at parties, people seem not to know what to do.”
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How to remedy the problem? Martinet has these tips:
– Even if you`re terrified when you enter a room of strange faces,
”Remember to fake it until you make it,” she says. That is, vow that for 10 minutes you`re not going to panic.
– If you spot no one familiar, just use honesty and approach a pleasant-looking person and say, ”Excuse me, I hope you don`t mind my coming up to you like this, but I don`t know a single person here. My name is . . . ”
– It`s OK to fib. ”Lying for the sake of being polite is totally acceptable,” Martinet says. An example? An excuse to escape the clutches of a deadly bore. The best bet? Say ”I`ve got to make an important phone call.”
”People are likely to follow you anywhere else you say you`re going, like for food or drinks, even the ladies` room,” she says.
– Never use ”What do you do?” as an opening line. The person could have lost her job, ”or may do something you find distasteful,” she says, ”and then, you`re obligated to ask her more about it.”
If you`re still awkward at mingling, persevere.
”It`s not a natural, innate ability,” Martinet says. ”It`s absolutely a learned art.”