Life is more relaxed behind the wheel of a beatup old car.
Someone dings your door in the parking lot? Big deal. You can hardly see it for the other dents.
A patch of rust appears on your fender? Don`t panic. There`s more where it came from.
But it`s not easy to find good clunkers. They look like bad ones.
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Here are some pointers from an expert who doesn`t seek publicity so here will be called ”Lee the Rehabber.” Lee has owned some prize clunkers.
First, the price is right. ”Good clunkers are about $400 to $600, if you`re not picky about looks or mileage. If you want a good-looking car you can be proud of, you don`t want a clunker.”
There are no monthly payments. You don`t waste time and money washing and waxing them. ”Just clean them out when the White Castle sacks start coming over the seat,” Lee says.
However, old tanks drink gas like you drink water on a hot day. That`s a clunker`s hidden expense.
An advantage: You get respect at four-way stops. The only thing bigger than your clunker is a Sherman tank, and you don`t see many of them on the interstates.
”What expensive new car is going to take on a battle-scarred veteran worth $500?” Lee asks.
More advantages: The insurance is cheap. You don`t need $500 deductible collision insurance when the car is worth that.
Clunkers are also ”too ugly to steal,” he says.
And don`t look for low mileage, he says. A clunker with 80,000 miles is a beginner. ”Expect 130,000 miles from a good old clunker,” Lee says. ”Some tanks will go to 180,000 easy.”
You can`t buy the best clunkers; you inherit them. It`s the car your Aunt Millie had when she died. Your mom won`t be caught dead driving that pea-green Pontiac, but what the heck, it runs.
If Aunt Millie looks healthy, you`ll have to buy a good clunker.
”The best place to find one is a rich neighborhood,” Lee says. ”These people have money to maintain their cars, and they`ll sell them just because they`re ugly. They`ve only kept that clunker this long because it runs so well.”
Besides, those folks don`t need top dollar for the car. They`ll still make the house payment if the clunker isn`t sold. ”And they don`t want to keep answering phone calls from the newspaper ad,” Lee notes. ”They want it sold and out of there. If the asking price is $695, offer them $500.”
But don`t be hasty. Get a second opinion. ”Ask your favorite mechanic to check out the clunker before you buy,” Lee says.
A good clunker can have worn tires, but make sure the wear is even. Uneven wear may mean such major problems as collapsing front ends and bad alignment.
”Make sure the driver`s seat isn`t too beat up,” Lee adds; it`s no fun fighting traffic with springs in your back. ”An old blanket on the seat will cover rips and tears.”
Lee says the top clunker colors are white, beige, faded green and washed out blue. His favorite is brown, ”because it hides the rust.”
He warns prospective buyers to ”beware of major color changes. That may mean the car has had major auto body repairs.”
Lack of options may be a sign of a good clunker, he says. No tape deck or CD player? The clunker has nothing but a cheap AM-FM radio? ”That`s good. There`s less chance someone will steal it. Manual windows and door locks are another plus.”
And if something looks too good, it probably is, even with a clunker.
”Beware of a 6- or 7-year-old clunker that`s going too cheap,” Lee says. It may be an old cab, police car or salesperson`s car. It has seen heavy service.
You probably don`t want a car older than 15, either. Parts may be hard to find.
After the purchase price, you may have to invest another ”fast $100 for a tuneup, an oil change and battery,” he warns.
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For more regular maintenance, make friends with the neighborhood grease monkey, Lee says. ”He always needs parts money for his old clunker.”
When your repair bills look like car payments, your good old car has crossed the line to a bad one.
Don`t forget your official clunker bumper stickers: ”Don`t laugh-it`s paid for.” And, ”Go ahead and hit me, I need the money.”