The advice seemed so simple.
Know where your kids go at night. Know their friends. Demand accountability.
here gang violence seemed so removed only a few years ago, delivered to parents battling for the souls of their children.
But as sound as the advice might be, it often is no match for the allure of the gang lifestyle and the bond of gang brotherhood.
Debbie Anzelmo knows this all too well.
A single mother of two boys, Anzelmo tried to break the grip of a gang on her 17-year-old son, John. She cajoled and pushed and even moved out of Chicago to seemingly safe, northwest suburban Maine Township.
But nothing she did could tear John from the gang that provided him with something that other people could not.
John Anzelmo was shot to death Wednesday night while hanging out on a sidewalk, killed by a youth from a rival gang, according to police.
He had chosen his gang over his family.
The suburbs are full of Debbie Anzelmos, experts say, parents who face imposing obstacles and long odds in shielding their children from the dangers of street gangs.
While those familiar with gang culture emphasize that there are many steps parents can take to protect their children, they acknowledge that street gangs can be attractive to youngsters. And once a kid joins a gang, it becomes more difficult to get him out the longer he`s a member.
”You can`t ignore the fact that kids need to belong to something or someone. They are looking for a link with something,” said Capt. Allan Taylor of the Cook County sheriff`s police gang crimes unit.
”For some this is the only way they can get it.”
In many ways, street gangs emphasize the same values as any other youth group-fidelity, friendship and discipline. And gangs fulfill a teenager`s innate desire for acceptance.
”At some point there comes a time when a teenager asks, `Who am I?` They have the need to know who they are. They need to identify,” Taylor said. ”A gang provides them with this.”
But unlike other youth groups, gangs deal in crime, violence and death. And the suburbs are seeing more of this than ever.
The problem is largely the result of expansionist Chicago gangs claiming suburbia as a new frontier for drug sales and recruitment, according to Taylor.
And, in many ways, suburban gangs mirror their urban counterparts.
They display the same gang colors, wear the same clothes, flash the same gang signals. And, as evidenced by Anzelmo`s shooting, are beginning to commit the same violent crimes.
”These are the same gangs. The gangs have moved out there,” Taylor said. ”They have the same philosophies, the same principles.”
However, the contact between Chicago gang heads and their suburban recruits, while active, appears to be minimal. The regional offshoots do not seem to adhere to any imposed codes or structure and seem to enjoy autonomy in their operation, Taylor said.
Under this system, suburban gangs appear to be flourishing. Authorities say they have tracked more then 50 gangs in suburban Cook County, and place membership in the hundreds.
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The problem is minor by Chicago standards, where there are an estimated 12,000 hard-core gang members, according to experts. Still, as the number of gang members has risen in the suburbs, the incidence of violent crime also has crept up.
There also are differences between the Chicago and suburban gangs.
For one, suburban teens do not hold gang meetings in dimly lit rooms, empty warehouses or in any secret, out-of-the way hideouts. Instead, authorities say they have taken to meeting in public places such as shopping malls, street corners and schools.
Also, with easy access to cars, suburban gang members can venture into another gang`s turf or other public venues where they are likely to cross paths. And, police say, they are exhibiting increasingly violent behavior in large measure because of the abundance of handguns.
”What`s happening out here is that many crimes are committed as initiations. The gang is forcing people to do illegal deeds,” Taylor said.
”But little by little we are starting to see more hard-core cases. That`s bad news.”
Officials say that the resiliency of the gangs is tied to their allure and the threat they pose to those who attempt to leave.
One 16-year-old boy, who lives in the neighborhood with three of the four youths charged in the Anzelmo slaying, said the thought of leaving his gang has crossed his mind. But the consequences he would face in doing so are daunting.
”You get beat up . . . and your tattoos burned off,” he said.
Experts say the best thing parents can do is to keep their kids away from gangs in the first place. The next best thing, they say, is to take steps to help extricate them before they become trapped.
Frances Sandoval, president and founder of Mothers Against Gangs, said parents should pay close attention to several warning signs.
Kids who join gangs, she said, often drop their old friends and activities; drastically change the way in which they dress, including wearing a particular color; display large sums of money; spend a lot of time away from home; and get tattoos.
”If a kid is in the romancing stage, we can reach them. There`s hope,”
Sandoval said. ”But it`s almost impossible to get a child out of a gang after the age of 17 years old, other than to uproot him or get him out of the state.”
Since most gang members come from homes in which parents offer them little direction, Sandoval said she often warns mothers and fathers that it is imperative that they spend more time at home.
”Sometimes I advise them if there is the possibility of not having $50 extra a week (from working) and not having their child next week, I think they will choose their child,” she said.
”Sometimes those are the sacrifices that have to be made.”
While the challenges parents face are large ones, they must ”take responsibility for their kids,” said police Cpl. Tom Fleming of Park Ridge, who advises Cook County State`s Atty. Jack O`Malley on gang issues.
”There is no reason for a kid living in the suburbs to need to belong in a gang. They do it by choice because they`re not informed, they`re not given the correct guidance. It`s our job to give them that guidance, to show them the way.”
Fleming spends much of his time talking to parents about how to keep their children out of gangs.
”Demand accountability,” Fleming urges parents. Find out where your children have been and where they are going. Get to know their friends. Talk to their friend`s parents. Get specifics, and follow up.
”One thing I always tell parents is, `If you think something is up, then something is up. Go ahead and ask questions and find out what`s going on.` ” Fleming also urges schools, communities and churches to give young people things to do, a place to hang out.
”We`re always telling kids to say no. Say no to drugs. Say no to alcohol,” Fleming said. ”But we don`t give kids a lot to say yes to.”