What have we learned from the Bill Clinton affair?
Well, we`ve learned that in the modern age you no longer need a gun to do crippling damage to a public figure.
All you need is a lubricious rumor, a hotel ballroom for a press conference and CNN.
We may never know what the deal was between the Arkansas Democrat and Gennifer Flowers, the Little Rock woman who peddled her overheated love story to a supermarket tabloid for a cool six figures.
But from the way the scandal has unfolded, it`s clear there is no possibility that any sense of proportion can be brought to bear in these scandals.
The problem is not so much the relevance of an inquiry into Clinton`s personal life.
Rumors of extramarital affairs have been a part of the governor`s political story for a decade. Despite the concerted efforts of wire services, newspapers and television networks, no credible evidence of philandering has ever turned up.
But forget for a moment that this is a story jerry-built on checkbook journalism, unsubstantiated accusations and telephone tapes made in secret.
It already may be too late to address a means for controlling this sort of media avalanche. Certainly it`s too late for the governor of Arkansas and his wife.
The larger problem is that this below-the-belt speculation blots out everything else on the political horizon.
Clinton`s introduction to the general public was on ”60 Minutes” last week, and he was not talking about industrial policy. He was talking about his marriage.
Has Clinton been a good governor of Arkansas for the last 12 years? Does he have any business running for president?
Is he a credible alternative to President Bush? If he isn`t, what about the other Democrats in the field?
There`s not much time for that discussion. Instead, we stumble into the inevitable sidebars of the scandal, the follow-ups that keep the story rolling.
This time, to the delight of the tabloids, the follow-ups involve New York Gov. Mario Cuomo.
It turns out that on a telephone tape clearly intended to entrap Clinton, he accedes to Flowers` witless talk of Cuomo and, in her clumsy phrase,
”Mafioso major connections.”
Clinton doesn`t say that, mind you, though he does label Cuomo ”a mean SOB.”
Cuomo gets angry. Clinton offers a lukewarm apology. Cuomo gets angrier. Clinton apologizes again, this time with a bit more sincerity.
Cuomo turns up last Wednesday on ”The Larry King Show” (there`s CNN again), returning fire.
Plenty of stories there, of course. And, while we`re at it, let`s ask the New York governor, for the umpteenth time, if he still might not get into the presidential derby.
At times, it seems fair to question whether those of us in the nation`s press possess free will.
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The other day, a reporter turned to one of Clinton`s top aides and wondered aloud, ”How long do you think we`ll have to ask you these Gennifer Flowers questions?”
These days, Clinton is tracked across New Hampshire and the nation by hordes of writers, minicams, still photographers and British reporters, all with a single question on their lips.
Meanwhile, Clinton`s Democratic rivals campaign here in relative obscurity, their messages buried under the muck and speculation.
The presidential campaign is driven by a publication that can`t write enough about Donald Trump`s romances and Cher`s tattoos.
We don`t have to pay attention, but we do.
This is a country where children sleep outdoors in packing crates and the citizenry is riveted by whales trapped under the polar ice.
It is a country obsessed with the sexual proclivities of Supreme Court nominees, but bored by their opinions and beliefs.
It is a country that is facing an AIDS epidemic. And yet its greatest public concern about the disease seems to be whether or not former L.A. Laker Magic Johnson, who has been diagnosed as HIV positive, should be allowed to play in the Olympic Games.
It is, as songwriter Paul Simon noted, a nation boundlessly fascinated by the freakish and the sensational, by ”the boy in the bubble and the baby with the baboon heart.”
You might think that these hard economic times would provide a poor environment for sideshows. A deeply pessimistic mood is evident around the country.
A New York Times/CBS News poll last week showed that 73 percent of those surveyed see the country as being in worse shape than it was five years ago.
Unhappily, there is little or no connection between that reality and the presidential campaign now taking shape.
Instead, we are slogging through the titillating trivia shoveled up by the tabloid press. And you can be sure there is more trivia coming.
We are, in the words of author Neil Postman, ”amusing ourselves to death.”