Black balloons hover over a co-worker`s desk. It`s our society`s way of saying happy 40th birthday.
In the comic strip ”For Better or Worse,” Elly celebrates her 40th birthday while wearing a T-shirt that says ”Over the Hill.”
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All of these ”Oh no, you`re getting old” celebrations are accompanied by laughter and gentle teasing, affectionate reassurance that the person still is all right.
But what we are really saying is getting older is a cause for mourning.
Well, it is and it isn`t.
As time goes by
It`s certainly true that getting older means your body can`t do what it could at 21. The joints ache more. The eyes don`t focus as well.
And it can mean being poor, sick and alone. Forty-three percent of people over 65 will spend time in a nursing home, however briefly, says the New England Journal of Medicine. Modern medicine is keeping people alive longer. Where Grandpa might have died earlier but while still relatively healthy, today he might linger, growing ever feebler. When we think about this happening to us, we`re scared.
But growing old can increasingly mean a full, robust life. Certainly we all could name people over 65 who are shining examples of achievement. To do so is to miss the point.
I suspect it is not of shining examples or nursing homes or poverty that people are thinking when they send black balloons for birthdays.
Hey, it`s natural
Rather, they may be mourning the loss of youth and status ahead.
We value youth, money, power, physical energy-all things in short supply among the elderly. What we don`t value are some of the unique things older people can offer: a more contemplative approach to life, greater wisdom, experience.
No wonder we are less than delighted at becoming old.
In our society, youth is not just preferred to age, but age is seen as negative. We are not a society that reveres its elders. Being told you look young is a compliment, and wrinkles are cause for depression.
In so many ways we say getting old is bad, especially if you are a woman. A fashion story reminds older women not to display bare arms. Ads proclaim the importance of hair dye and moisturizer to reduce wrinkles.
But old age, aches and wrinkles-these are a natural part of life.
And more of us are developing wrinkles all the time. Right now about 12.5 percent of the population is over 65, says the Census Bureau. By 2030 when the Baby Boom trend peaks, it will be about 21 percent.
Burgundy balloons
Maybe, as some folks have predicted, Baby Boomers, by their sheer numbers, will bring a more positive view of aging.
But there`s no need to wait. Getting older is cause for celebration right now. I can`t help contrasting black balloons and ”Over the Hill” T-shirts with a recent 50th birthday celebration. Each person brought an item important to them to share, and those over 50 took the honoree aside for special congratulations and advice.
Indeed, the older they get, the better many people seem to know themselves, the more assurance and sense of self they have. Their bodies ache more, but they wouldn`t go back to a callow 21 for anything.
As we grow older, we begin to realize that we aren`t what we were in some ways-and it doesn`t matter.
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We`ll never have a rock-hard stomach or be CEO of our company or lose that 10 pounds. And that`s perfectly OK-as it always has been, but perhaps we didn`t realize it.
Maybe what we need are burgundy balloons-the color of fine wine, improving with age.