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player ready...IT`S TIME ONCE AGAIN FOR THE award-winning feature Ask Mr. Language Person. Our first common grammar question is:
Q-You never won no award.
A-Did so.
Q-Did not.
A-Did so.
Q-Which of the following sentences is correct?
– ”Being a respected attorney, the dog lunged straight for Mr. Thwockett`s personal region.”
– ”The dog, being a respected attorney, lunged straight for Mr. Thwockett`s personal region.”
A-They both have their strong points.
Q-You know those Volkswagen ads, where they keep shrieking
”Fahrvergnugen”? What the heck are they talking about?
A-”Fahrvergnugen” comes from the old German expression: ”Phlugenhaven! Einrachenbrassen das Fahrvergnugen en zie Vessenhollenpratenraug ur Burgermeister!” (”Phew! Somebody has been Fahrvergnugen in this closet!”)
Q-When is it proper to say ”between,” and when is it proper to say
”amongst”?
A-”Between” is used in situations involving a need for confidentially.
EXAMPLE: ”Between you and I and the lamppost, Louise should do something about them chin hairs.”
”Amongst” is used in religious situations.
EXAMPLE: ”Let he amongst you whom is without sin and has a good arm see how far he can cast this here stone.”
Q-The other night I happened to hear a television newscaster say: ”The suspects are still at large, but the police MANhunt was curtailed due to lack of MANpower.” My question, as an ardent feminist, is: They`re still at large what?
A-We all need to be more sensitive about this.
Q-How is the word ”irregardless” used?
A-It is used to add emphasis to a statement:
WEAK: Webster gonna bust your head.
STRONGER: Webster gonna bust your head irregardless.
Q-Recently, when you were driving through Central Florida, did you see a small roadside store with a fascinating sign on it?
A-Yes. It said: ”DAMAGED FOOD FOR YOU AND YOUR PET.”
Q-Are you making that up?
A-No.
Q-I recently received a letter containing the following sentence: ”If you don`t give us the money, we will kill your husband, ect.” What does
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”ect.” mean?
A-It means ”irregardless.”
Q-I am with the Defense Department, and I`d like to know whether it`s correct to say, ”Four million dollars apiece IS not that much for the SB-79 Hellfire Amphibious Assault Salad Bar,” or ”Four million dollars apiece ARE ect.”
A-By any chance does that $4 million price include the optional SS-863 Shrieking Eagle Tactical Sneeze Shield?
Q-Of course not.
A-I didn`t think so.
Q-What is the function of parentheses?
A-Parentheses are used to include information that helps the reader understand the sentence better:
CONFUSING: ”Former President Nixon says he feels `no bitterness` toward his former political enemies.”
CLEARER: ”Former President Nixon says he feels `no bitterness` toward his former political enemies. (What a liar!)”
Q-What are the opening lyrics to the 1961 hit song ”Rama Lama Ding Dong”?
A-They are:
”Oh oh oh oh
I know a girl named
Rama Lama Lama Lama Ding Dong.”
Q-Who wrote that?
A-Francis Scott Key.
TIP FOR PROFESSIONAL WRITERS: A good way to make your writing more interesting is to include shocking revelations about famous celebrities.
WRONG: ”Apply the lacquer with smooth, even strokes.”
RIGHT: ”Apply the lacquer with smooth, even strokes, bearing in mind that until 1985 Madonna was, biologically, a man.”