Sen. Strom Thurmond, the nation`s oldest member of Congress, refuses to call it quits. At 87, the South Carolina Republican has announced his candidacy for another six years in Washington. ”Physically, I`m probably in my 50s. Feel those muscles,” boasted Thurmond, who spends an hour every morning jogging, exercising and lifting weights. Thurmond was first elected to the Senate on a write-in ballot in 1954.
EXCUSE ME, DON`T I . . . ? It had been 14 years since John Appleton of Sacramento was summoned to appear for jury duty. This time around, he was excused for a memorable reason. Asked by the judge if he knew anyone in the courtroom, Appleton nodded knowingly: It was the defendant, James Turner, who also hadn`t been to court for 14 years-when a jury that included Appleton convicted him of marijuana possession. (For the record, Turner was convicted again, this time without Appleton`s vote, for growing marijuana.)
CHEEKY SHEIK SHRIEKS Mohammed Fassi, the mysterious Arab sheik notorious for grandiose charity pledges and bounced checks, finally has stiffed the wrong people-his own security guards. Alas for them, they stiffed back. After they tried to collect $14,000 in January wages by intimating bodily harm to the princely person-or so it is alleged-the sheik telephoned his lawyer. Now Fassi`s four guards are charged with false imprisonment. Worse yet, the three who are Miami-area police officers were suspended. As they ponder a possible future under guard instead of guarding, the boss must be chuckling in his Miami Beach mansion:
Checkmate, boys, and without even writing a check.
A DEAD MAN TELLS TALES The news of his death caught Al Denoncour unprepared. ”I survived World War II, Korea and two tours in Vietnam,” moaned Denoncour, who recently was presumed dead by the Social Security Administration. Denoncour, 69, learned of his demise in a letter demanding that his widow reimburse the government for a $508 Social Security check. ”I called my supervisor and told him I couldn`t teach a class Monday. He asked why. I said, `Well, I`m deceased,` ” said Denoncour, an Army retiree who teaches energy conservation at a junior college in Fayetteville, N.C. Knowing the federal government`s talent for wasting energy, the dear-departed isn`t hopeful of a prompt return from the dead.
”It`s going to be one heck of a mess,” predicted Denoncour, noting that his wife, Mary, already has received widow`s benefits. ”By the time they get through messing with it, it will take years and years.”
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WHY TRUMP WANTS OUT If one can believe the New York Post, Donald Trump thinks Ivana is suffering from Manhattan uppityitis. Hence the separation. ”Her level of arrogance has grown steadily worse in recent years,” the Post quoted Trump.
”The bottom line is I don`t want to create another Leona Helmsley.”
Meanwhile, the Trump Organization`s publicity machine prepared for Valentine`s Day. Monday`s release was about how The Donald rescued a struggling East Harlem candy maker by ordering 75,000 pieces of chocolate to place on pillows at Trump Plaza Hotel in Atlantic City. The press release headline: ”Trump Creates a Sweet Valentine Dream.”
HE WAS IN A FOWL MOOD David Ashley must know something about lawyers. Answering a misdemeanor charge in Seneca Falls, N.Y., Ashley entered court with a chicken under his arm. ”It was the only legal counsel I could afford,” said Ashley, hopeful that he could leave without getting plucked. (The judge cried fowl but granted a continuance until Ashley stopped acting like a dumb cluck.)