Call him a satisfied customer. Ten minutes after scooting out the door at the Bank of Nova Scotia in Vancouver, a bandit telephoned the scene of the crime. According to detective Bjorn Bjornson, ”He thanked them for their service and told them that their money will be well spent.”
DUKAKIS SAYS, `NO THANKS` Citing ”pressing business,” Michael Dukakis has declined George Bush`s inauguration invitation. ”It comes at one of the busiest times of the year,” said the vanquished Democrat`s spokesman, James Dorsey, adding that Dukakis must present a fiscal 1990 budget to the Massachusetts legislature five days later. The Bush Inauguration Committee was informed a month ago.
BY HIPPOCRATES, I`LL COME Good Samaritan Max Benis comes to Bush`s inauguration by way of a throat blockage. A physician in Huntington Beach, Calif., Benis was visiting a GOP campaign rally near his clinic last October when a teenage volunteer fell unconscious a few feet from the candidate. Benis quickly produced a plastic tube and cleared the girl`s clogged throat. For the 62-year-old allergist, it was the 106th rescue in 19 years-and an act of mercy he attributes simply to
”being in the right place at the right time.” Maybe that`s why Bush told him afterward: ”If I get elected, I want you as my guest at the
inauguration.” Invitations to the swearing-in and multiple inaugural celebrations arrived last week.
NO CAT? GO SCRATCH This is a tale with a bit of ”meow” in it. In New York, cat lover Marjorie Horton has disinherited the Putnam Valley Library after trustees there closed the book on Muffin. The story began in February, 1982, when a homeless kitten was found on the library doorsteps. Taken in by kind-hearted librarians and proving herself a good mouser in exchange, Muffin soon joined Chaucer and Shakespeare on an overnight basis. ”Everybody loved that cat,”
said Horton, 93, a longtime Putnam resident who now lives in Manhattan (with her cat, of course). Last autumn, library trustees voted to move Muffin to a new home because of allergy complaints and despite protests from 300 cat lovers. ”I wrote them a nice letter, but no one listened,” said a furious Horton. ”Now, not one penny will go to the library.” Left $30,000 richer-at the library`s expense-are three animal shelters.
SEAN`S ESCAPE CLAWS Speaking of cats, Madonna has inexplicably withdrawn her inexplicable assault complaint against hot-tempered hubby Sean Penn, whom she also is divorcing. The usually unreliable British tabloids claim that Madonna was beaten, gagged and left strapped to an armchair for 9 hours before she escaped. Gossip lover Liz Smith wrote that she was ”trussed up like a turkey.” Los Angeles sheriff`s police say only that an assault allegedly occurred in the couple`s Malibu home over New Year`s weekend. Gee, they seemed like such a nice, wholesome couple.
FROM CATS TO CATTY Among those who judge by looks, fashion designer Richard Blackwell is a god. So, without further ado: Blackwell has named the Duchess of York, the former Sarah Ferguson, as the world`s worst-dressed woman of the year. `She looks terrible, like she should be making beds on the second floor of a motel,” sneered Blackwell after issuing his 29th annual list of fashion slobs. ”She should cut that stupid hair off. She looks more like a horse that came in last.” Joining the duchess on Blackwell`s sniff list are Madonna
(”horrendous”), Marilyn Quayle (”a 1940 unemployed librarian”) and proud-to-be-overweight comic Rosanne Barr (”fashions by Goodyear . . . body by Sara Lee”).
SORRY, KID, YA GOTTA GO For genuinely catty behavior, one must travel to Zephyrhills, Fla., where Thomas and Beverly Elmer are facing jail for 10 days-because they are parents. A child-exclusion deed in their subdivision is forcing a reluctant Judge Wayne Cobb to toss them in the pokey. ”It`s incomprehensible, a bunch of people who don`t want youngsters around,” said Cobb. ”I don`t understand why anybody, period, would want to live in a place that didn`t allow kids.” Said Mrs. Elmer: ”I can`t shoot her. It`s as simple as that.” And what has 14-year-old Staci to say about her neighbors? ”They`re just mean. They don`t like any children.”
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MARY LOU FIGHTS A SPARE When she was 16 and wholesomely athletic, gymnast Mary Lou Retton had product endorsements to spare. Now that she has grown up-and apparently too far out-the bowling industry has dropped her like a gutter ball.
Retton is lining up pins in response. The 1984 Olympic gold medalist and her family are suing two bowling associations in U.S. District Court in Washington for $250,000. The lawsuit alleges breach of a four-year promotional contract signed in 1985.
The trade groups canceled promotions last June, her suit alleges, because ”Mary Lou Retton, due to changes in her physical image caused by her maturing as a woman, was no longer a suitable spokesperson.” Court papers did not elaborate.
Retton`s suit, filed Monday, names as respondents the National Bowling Council Inc., of Washington, and the Bowling Proprietors Association of America, of Arlington, Tex.