Monday morning. Bad traffic. Let`s just turn on the radio here, see if we can get some good tunes, crank it up. Maybe they`ll play some some early Stones. Yeah. Maybe they….
– POWER ON –
”…just reached the end of 14 classic hits in a row, and we`ll be right back after we….”
– SCAN –
” …send Bill Doberman to Congress. Because Bill Doberman agrees with us. Bill Doberman. It`s a name we can trust. Bill Doberman. It`s a name we can remember. Let`s write it down. Bill….”
– SCAN –
”…just heard 19 uninterrupted classic hits, and now for this….”
– SCAN –
”…terrible traffic backup caused by the. . . .”
– SCAN –
”…EVIL that cameth down and DWELLETH amongst them, and it DID CAUSETH their eyeballs to ooze a new substance, and it WAS a greenish color, but they DID not fear, for they kneweth that the….”
– SCAN –
” …following is based on an 800-year lease and does not includetaxtagsinsuranceoranactualcarwegetyourhouseandyourchildrenandyourkidney . ”
”NINE THOUSAND DOLLARS!!! BUD LOOTER CHEVROLET OPEL ISUZU FORD RENAULT JEEP CHRYSLER TOYOTA STUDEBAKER TUCKER HONDA WANTS TO GIVE YOU, FOR NO GOOD REASON….”
– SCAN –
”…Bill Doberman. He`ll work for you. He`ll FIGHT for you. If people are rude to you, Bill Doberman will KILL them. Because Bill Doberman. . . .” – SCAN –
”…enjoyed those 54 classic hits in a row, and now let`s pause while….”
– SCAN –
” …insects DID swarm upon them and DID eateth their children, but they WERE NOT afraid, for they trustedeth in the….”
– SCAN –
” … listening audience. Hello?”
”Hello?”
”Go ahead.”
”Steve?”
”This is Steve. Go ahead.”
”Am I on?”
”Yes. Go ahead.”
”Is this Steve?”
– SCAN –
”This is Bill Doberman, and I say convicted rapists have NO BUSINESS serving on the Supreme Court. That`s why, as your congressman, I`ll make sure that….”
– SCAN –
”…a large quantity of nuclear waste has been spilled on the interstate, and police are trying to….”
– SCAN –
”…GIVE YOU SEVENTEEN THOUSAND DOLLARS IN TRADE FOR ANYTHING!!! IT DOESN`T EVEN HAVE TO BE A CAR!!! BRING US A ROAD KILL!!! WE DON`T CARE!!!
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BRING US A CANTALOUPE-SIZED GOB OF EAR WAX!!! BRING US. . . .”
– SCAN –
”…huge creatures that WERE like winged snakes EXCEPT they had great big suckers, which DID cometh and pulleth their limbs FROM their sockets liketh this, `Pop,` but they WERE not afraid, nay they WERE joyous, for they had….”
– SCAN –
”…just heard 317 uninterrupted classic hits, and now….`
– SCAN –
”Bill Doberman will shrink your swollen membranes. Bill Doberman has….”
– SCAN –
”…glowing bodies strewn all over the road, and motorists are going to need….”
– SCAN –
”…FORTY THOUSAND DOLLARS!!! WE`LL JUST GIVE IT TO YOU!!! FOR NO REASON!!! WE HAVE A BRAIN DISORDER!!! LATE AT NIGHT, SOMETIMES WE SEE THESE GIANT GRUBS WITH FACES LIKE KITTY CARLISLE, AND WE HEAR THESE VOICES SAYING…..”
– SCAN –
”Steve?”
”Yes.”
”Steve?”
”Yes.”
”Steve?”
– SCAN –
”Yea, and their eyeballs DID explode like party favors, but they WERE NOT sorrowful, for they kneweth…”
– SCAN –
”Bill Doberman. Him good. Him heap strong. Him your father. Him….”
– SCAN –
”… finished playing 3,814 consecutive classic hits with no commercial interruptions dating back to 1978, and now….”
– SCAN –
”…the radiation cloud is spreading rapidly, and we have unconfirmed reports that….”
– SCAN –
”… liquefied brain parts did dribbleth OUT from their nostrils, but they WERE not alarmed, for they were….”
– SCAN –
”. . . getting sleepy. Very sleepy. When you hear the words `Bill Doberman,` you will….`
– POWER OFF –
Okay, never mind. I`ll just drive. Listen to people honk. Maybe hum a little bit. Maybe even, if nobody`s looking, do a little singing.
(Quietly)
I can`t get nooooooo
Sa-tis-FAC-shun….