Prepare yourselves, men. That familiar form you see out of the corner of your eye as it hurtles toward you may be the woman you love.
The Total Woman has gone airborne, and you`re going to need a strong back as well as a patient, loving attitude if one of the seduction tips in Marabel Morgan`s new book is heeded by the women of America.
To put a little more romance in the relationship, Morgan suggests that the little lady surprise her mate by climbing up on the dresser and then pouncing as the poor, unsuspecting mope slogs back to the bedroom after taking a shower. Presumably without shouting ”Geronimo!” or any other warning.
Although it sounds dangerous, it has been field-tested without mishap.
”I`ve done it myself,” Marabel Morgan says. ”And you know what Charlie did?”
Charlie, who was her target, is her husband.
”He laughed.”
Morgan is smiling as she tells about her amorous ambush. She has learned to smile through the stresses and strains of married life, and she has made a minor fortune writing books that advise other women how to do the same.
Her first book was ”The Total Woman,” which became a blockbuster in 1974 and one of the top 10 best sellers of the `70s.
And, like Rocky and Rambo, she has kept the sequels coming. ”Total Joy” and ”The Total Woman Cookbook” followed, and both of them did quite well, too.
Her fourth book, ”The Electric Woman: Hope for Tired Mothers, Lovers and Others” (Word, $11.95), is now in the bookstores, and she is on the publicity circuit for it, making the rounds of talk shows and newspapers.
She is a good saleswoman–pert, spunky and cheerful in the manner of a Karen Valentine or a Sandy Duncan.
For this interview, she is wearing a flowery, scoop-necked, short-sleeved dress with puffy shoulders. It is the same dress she wears a few days later on a morning TV talk show, and some of her comments there also seem much the same.
Morgan has been interviewed so many times that freshness and spontaneity have become elusive, but it`s easy to understand why she is so irresistible to feature writers and talk show hosts.
She has a knack for coming up with outrageously cute, sexy ideas designed to add zest to sagging marriages. Leaping from tall furniture is but one example from ”The Electric Woman.”
Here are a few more:
— Call your husband at work. ”When he answers, purr into the phone,
`Hi, Honey, I wanted you to know that I just crave your body. Hurry home. Bye!` ”
— Get a toy rifle, sombrero and poncho and hide behind the front door. When your husband gets home, tell him to stick up his hands–it`s his body or his life.
— To greet the big fellow at Christmas, wear knee-high black patent leather boots, two ”dazzling” bows, a six-foot scarf and stick some holly in your hair.
— String yarn from the front door through the house, festooning it with
”inviting notes” every few feet. Get into a nightgown, light some candles and position yourself in the bedroom with the end of the yarn tied around your finger.
There are even recommendations for mealtime:
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— ”Stick a candle in the meatloaf.”
— ”Tint the mashed potatoes pink.”
— ”Put on that Halloween mask.”
— ”Swing from the chandelier.”
— ”Eat dinner under the dining room table.”
If there wasn`t a Marabel Morgan, People magazine and Phil Donahue surely would have to invent her.
She is, of course, a big favorite of both. Donahue has had her on his show several times, and in 1976 People named her to its list of ”The 25 Most Intriguing People in the United States.”
Perhaps the outrageously cute idea for which she is best known is the one where the wife meets her husband at the door clad only in Saran Wrap. Ironically, she can`t recall ever having created that one.
”It`s not in `Total Woman` and I`ve checked `Total Joy` and couldn`t find it there either,” she says.
Still, she thinks it`s a marvelous ploy.
Morgan concedes that these ideas are ”gimmicks” that are calculated
”to get his attention and show him you care,” but in a larger sense they are merely icing on the cake of her main message, which is that wives should strive to make life a living heaven for hubbies.
”A woman should appreciate her man and comfort him,” she says.
Would surrender be the right word?
”Surrender is a tough word,” she says. ”Serve is a better one. A woman should be a cheerleader for her man. I consider the Electric Woman a cheerleader.”
Morgan has the looks of a former cheerleader–a trim, attractive figure, gleaming white teeth and a wonderful Florida tan, which she gets by living in the Miami area with Charlie and her two daughters, Michelle, 15, and Laura, 20, who is now away in college.
She is 48 years old, although a press release for her new book says she is 44, which is either a typographical error or a little white lie.
Although few men would fault her lofty goal of making them absolutely happy, some detractors take issue with her tactics.
Morgan is controversial, which contributes to her success. Her critics say her approach is manipulative and regressive. They aren`t wild about her urging women to act like coquettes. They say that she seems to be living in a world that no longer exists.
Most women have jobs outside the home, they point out, which doesn`t give them a lot of time to be stretching yarn through the house or coyly hiding behind the front door, waiting for their hunks. These days, only about 10 percent of American households conform to that traditional scene of a husband who works and a wife who stays home with the kids.
A recent interview with Morgan in USA Today was accompanied by criticism that takes a dim view of ”The Electric Woman.”
Srully Blotnick, a psychologist and author of a book on career women, was quoted as saying:
”This is one of the few books that manage to demean both men and women. It demeans men because it assumes they can be manipulated. Morgan displays an appalling ignorance of male sexuality. A woman who is having a good time is much more exciting to a man than one who is playing hooker and focusing on his pleasure.”
And Irene Kassoria, another pyschologist, says:
”Books like this make women feel inadequate, guilty and responsible for the pain or lack of closeness in the marriage. . . . It`s fun to do the things that Mrs. Morgan suggests. And I recommend it. (But) Mrs. Morgan suggests if you do this, all will be well. Problems in marriage take two mature and sensitive people working on communications.”
Says Morgan: ”I used to get upset by controversy. Now I thrive on it.”
She won`t deny being manipulative, but her message has been misunderstood. She says there is good manipulation and bad manipulation.
”I`m accused of being manipulative. Well, I believe women are manipulative. But any fool can tell when he is being manipulated. I decided I was going to meet Charlie`s needs because I loved him.
”I believe that two women can do the same thing for different motivations. It depends on the motive in your heart. If you`re manipulating out of love, it`s all right. A husband can tell. You have to let him know you care, then you can begin to communicate.”
”The Electric Woman” seems to be a variation on her abiding theme, even though Morgan says, ”It`s a completely different premise.”
The first book, she says, was written from her experience in resurrecting a dying marriage–”putting the sizzle back.”
The latest ”has a much broader base.” It was inspired by her misconception that her middle years would be more serene, that she at last would have a handle on life.
She was wrong. ”It wasn`t that way at all. I found `downers` coming at me all the time. I began to think of them as electric impulses.” Hence, the Electric Woman.
Some of the aggravations she lists are admittedly mundane: Pencil lead that breaks, long traffic lights, sitting behind a cigar smoker, a surly cashier. As small as they seem, however, these things can pile up and distract you from your mission–to make your Charlie happy.
Obviously, there are going to be bigger problems as well, and she offers answers for these, too. Like most advice, it is easier said than done, but it is so thoughtfully compiled that it can be absorbed with little effort.
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Morgan writes books for people who don`t like to read books. ”I don`t even consider myself a writer,” she says, and it is hard to quarrel with her. ”The Electric Woman” is packaged to be a diverting flow of anecdotes, snippets from readers` letters and quotations gleaned from a remarkably diverse chorus of voices–Henry David Thoreau and Phyllis Diller; Robert Frost and Jack Nicklaus; her pastor, Steve Brown, and Albert Einstein; ”the late” Indira Gandhi and Mary Poppins; rock singer Wayne Cochran and Sir Francis Bacon; ”our close friend” Dr. Everett Sugarbaker, a cancer surgeon; and Solomon, who, we learn, ”had a beautiful mother who could easily have been Miss Israel.”
It`s broken down into short, easily digested bites. A list here, a little drawing there, all kinds of headings to break up the brief blocks of type.
The author loves alliteration, some of which falls short, and darling names that she has coined.
In the ”Coping With Downers” section, there are chapters on Customize, Cleanse, Challenge and Claim. The ”Hoping for Uppers” section has Dream, Dare, Do and Determine and the final ”Sharing With Others” part gives us Lift, Laugh, Listen and Love.
Throughout, we get to know Betty Bitter, Perry Noid, Phoebe Phobia, Patty Pity and Gilda Guilt-trip.
Not that the lack of literary merit or the cloying, simplistic style matters to Morgan`s admirers and defenders, who are many. Two of them, also quoted in USA Today, are Helen Gurley Brown, editor of Cosmopolitan magazine, and Dale Hanson Bourke, editor of Today`s Christian Woman magazine.
”I like the fact it`s a very simple book. It`s not a literary masterpiece,” says Bourke. ”It`s the kind of book every woman can use. It`s about a very basic principle that very few people have dealt with and that is: Life is what you make it.”
”Maybe it`s a little against the philosophy of the moment,” Brown says. ”But I believe in man-pleasing no matter what your options are. The sexy stuff she suggests–what could be wrong with that?”
It`s clear that nothing the Paul Pickys or Carl Carpers of the world say about her or her books is going to prevent The Great Manipulator from selling a ton of them.
This is probably why Charlie laughed that day his beloved plummeted from the dresser into his arms. As he crumpled to the floor in his soggy bath towel, it must have dawned on him that Marabel had another winner.