Dave Barry

Welcome to "Ask Mister Language Person," written by the foremost leading world authority on the proper grammatorical usagality of English, both orally and in the form of words. In this...

Sometimes I am so darned proud to be an American that I have to lean over and hold my stomach. This is such a time. I have just read an...

I am NOT jealous of the woman who writes the Harry Potter books. It does NOT bother me that her most recent book, "Harry Potter and the Enormous Royalty Check,"...

We're moving. I blame my daughter. She's only 5 months old, but she has somehow acquired, at a conservative estimate, 250 million toys. Every morning, there seem to be more...

If you're a new parent, there will come a time when either you or your spouse will say these words: "Let's take the baby to a restaurant!" Now, to a...

Recently, an organization called "The Human Genome Project"--which, incredibly, turns out NOT to be a rock band--announced that it had deciphered the human genetic code. Scientists reacted by holding a...

If you're one of the millions of people planning to travel by air this summer, here's some important information from the Association of Commercial Airlines: (Silence.) UH-oh! Apparently the airlines...

It's almost time for the political conventions, which means that millions of concerned American voters will be glued to their TV sets, watching the last few episodes of "Survivor." Some...

Are you a male, or a female? To find out, take this scientific quiz: 1. Your department is on a tight deadline for developing a big sales proposal, but you've...

A fundamental belief held by Americans is that if you are on land, you cannot be killed by a fish. This belief has been reinforced by the Steven Spielberg movies...